A whole bunch of Googling going on

A friend of mine, who is a successful television writer, called one day about a writing project we were working on together.

We finished the work discussion, then awkwardly, she stammered and stumbled over a bunch of words that included, “I never introduce people,” “I feel very uncomfortable,” “He won’t quit bugging me,” “He thinks you’re adorable,” and, what will become very important to this story, “He Googled you.”

Turns out, as you might surmise by now, that she had a movie producer friend, recently divorced, who has asked for an introduction.

“Listen, why don’t you Google him and see if you’re interested?”

In case you don’t know, Google is an Internet search engine. You can type in the name of a person and, if that person has a well-touted career, his name will come up, linked to hundreds, thousands or millions of Web pages.

You should also know that Googling is very big in Hollywood. This is the crucial step toward deciding if a television or movie professional has enough credentials to do business with him.

She called later. “Did you Google him?”

I had. And I discovered that he had won back-to-back Emmys for best television mini-series and had produced blockbuster movies as well as a couple that have become classics. It was quite impressive.

“Yes, I Googled him,” I replied, then added urgently, “But don’t tell him that I Googled him. He’s already powerful enough without knowing that I Googled him! We don’t want to give him that edge.”

This is yet another difference between Hollywood and the South. In Hollywood, they Google. In the South, we go to the beauty shop.

I actually believe — having been educated by both Googling and gossiping — that the beauty shop is better. You can’t Google a person and find out what she wore to church on Sunday or what he said to the waitress down at the diner that got his face slapped for him.

Such revelations are way beyond the capabilities of Google.

Penelope Ann, having dumped Casey, the guy prettier than her, was all atwitter with excitement after having met a new guy while shopping in the produce aisle at Winn-Dixie.

“He’s gorgeous,” she gushed but quickly added, “But not pretty like Casey. This guy’s handsome. I just wish I knew more about him.”

“Google him,” I replied with the confident expertise of a Hollywood regular.

“What?”

I explained then sent her on her way to Google her new attraction. An hour later, she called.

“Are you sure this works? I didn’t find one thing about him. That can’t be good. He isn’t Google-able!”

Not necessarily true. Sometimes it just means that a person has led a quietly successful life without public notoriety.

“Don’t fret. I know an even better source than Google.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, just drop by Sadie’s Cut and Curl on Thursday afternoon and you should be able to find out everything you’ll ever want to know.”

Turns out I was right again. The ladies down at Sadie’s knew that his mama is a busybody, his roof has leaked since he built his house four years ago and someone volunteered that he was rumored to be a very good kisser.

You can’t get kissing information from Google. And that knowledge, I believe, is more important information than back-to-back Emmys.