An Aphorism a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

When I was little, my mom had a proverb for every occasion. Looking back, I can’t help but feel as though someone played on her repression that if you “Sing before breakfast, [you’ll] cry before supper.”

As I write – on New Year’s Day, 2006 – I’m at a friend’s home and there’s no wireless Internet connection. I’m uncomfortable tying up her phone line with Google searches, so I’m just going to have to go with a few notes I left in the word processor. Among them, however, was one similar to that above. The author wrote, “When my children came down for breakfast, cheerfully singing a little tune, I cried out, ‘Sing before breakfast and cry before noon!’

“After all, I had learned that from my mom and my granny, so it must be true, right? As a child, I even found myself watching through the day, on guard and afraid, waiting for the moment that I would burst into tears. I was never disappointed.”

How sad to place such a burden on a child whose only trespass was singing.

Many of the so-called domestic proverbs were prohibitive, not to mention anonymous. At least Mom’s were.

“Don’t leave your hat on a bed.” I suppose there was a chance you’d squash it, if you sat down on the bed carelessly.

Except we were also admonished not to sit on beds.

I was raised to the tune of guidelines that forbade opening an umbrella in the house and sewing a button on a garment someone is wearing. All practical, I guess. The one about the umbrella, for instance, protects us from awkward children wielding an umbrella in a room full of Hummel figurines.

And depending on the location of the wayward button, a carelessly placed needle “sews bad luck,” indeed, not to mention inflicting bodily harm.

There are a lot of warnings in folklore against working on the Sabbath. My mom’s favorite, as I recall, was “What you sew on Sunday, you’ll rip out on Monday.” Another version adds “with your nose.”

You know, I really didn’t plan to start this column this way, especially at New Year’s, but I guess I can say I saved the best for last.

While reading recently, I tripped over a word that I didn’t immediately recognize: Aphorism. Googled it, and found this definition: “A brief saying embodying a moral, a concise statement or precept given in pointed words.”

The Thesaurus offered numerous synonyms for aphorism: maxim, proverb, epigram, adage, motto and more. There are subtle differences among them, but none I’d worry too much about. For instance this particular Thesaurus says a motto expresses aims, character, or guiding principles: “Exuberance over taste” is my motto. Samuel Johnson left us with an epigram when he called remarriage a “triumph of hope over experience.”

You’ll know the author of at least some of these aphorisms, a man who added laughter to the language.

If the wolf had ever come to our back door, he’d have had to bring a picnic lunch.
You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
It’s not over until it’s over.
99% of the game is half mental.
(On Yankee stadium) It gets late early out there.
It’s like déjà vu all over again.
You can observe a lot by watching.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.
Source of aphorisms: 1.Bill Anderson, 2.- 8.Yogi Berra, 9.Woody Allen, 10.Muslim proverb.
I mean, aphorism.

Happy New Year!