The worst movies I saw this year

Thu, 01/03/2008 - 4:57pm
By: Michael Boylan

Before the holidays I wrote out my top 10 list, so now I will put out my bottom 10 of 2007. These are the worst movies I saw this year and some of them could be among the worst I’ve seen in a long time. A few of these came out towards the end of 2006 but I rented them from Netflix during 2007, so I’m counting them.

10. “Shrek 3” - What? Mike hated the lovable, green ogre and his posse of pals. Well, yes. Kind of. What I really hated was the fact that this film didn’t come close to living up to the standards of its predecessors. There were some “cool” parts, but I have zero interest in seeing this again. I probably gave it two stars or something, but thinking back on all the films I saw this year and how much I was looking forward to seeing this, it was a pretty major disappointment.

9. “Marie Antoinette” - Just a dull movie with weird, yet uninteresting ideas. I didn’t like Kirsten Dunst (hated her in Spider-Man 3, too) and the movie kept putting me to sleep. Off with her head!

8. “The Reaping” - Hilary Swank gets off the making Oscar worthy movies bus and slums it in this biblically bad horror movie about biblical plagues destroying a town in Louisiana. It was boring, confusing and gross, despite an ending that was a bit of a surprise.

7. “Resident Evil 3” - I am so sick of Milla Jovovich kicking butt in movies. It’s practically all she does and I don’t buy it for a second. I hated last year’s “Ultraviolet” and this installment in what is a mediocre series to begin with was just terrible and unnecessary.

6. “The Number 23” - Jim Carrey does a thriller and nobody cares. Jim, if you’re reading this, believe me when I say that I respect you as an actor. You have more than proven yourself in a number of fine films, but, dude, you need to lighten up and have some fun. This film about a guy going crazy and paranoid was mildly interesting for about 45 minutes and then it was snooze-inducing. Not cool and really not all that clever.

5. “Running With Scissors” - Just horrible. What was a fun and interesting book was an awful movie. The characters who are crazy and likable in the book, which is based on the author’s real life, are crazy and terrible in the movie. I couldn’t get through it all. Don’t ever watch this movie.

4. “Pulse” - I found the original Japanese version of this film to be slow, confusing and boring and the American version with Kristen Bell was just as bad, if not worse. I can’t even really tell you what happens other than dead people talk to the living through a computer...or something. Never made it through the entirety of either version.

3. “Feast” - The film from the final version of “Project Greenlight.” This movier was just a mess. It shouldn’t be that hard to make a “monsters attack a bar and a ragtag bunch of people band together to survive” movie, but apparently it is. I couldn’t tell what the heck was going on, who was who and why I should care. Just plain bad.

2. “Beer League” - As a fan of “The Howard Stern Show,” I really wanted to like sidekick Artie Lange’s film, but I just couldn’t. It was as bad as the worst student films ever made and I should know, I’ve appeared in a few. It looked awful, it wasn’t funny and I couldn’t make it through this whole film either. There are hundreds of better movies about slobs playing sports and coming together to get better.

1. “Dragon Wars” - Awesomely bad. One of the worst movies I have ever seen. This film has an insipid storyline, truly terrible performances, annoying and seemingly constant dragon screeches and so much more. I can’t believe this had a theatrical release and a fairly significant marketing push. This is as bad as many straight to video sci-fi/fantasy films and probably even worse. It is really so bad, I almost want to recommend that you see it for yourself.

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