*****

Move over Lion King, there’s a new ape in town!

This is no Mighty Joe Young. This is more incredible than The Incredibles. More swinging than Spiderman. More gigantic than George of the Jungle! More terrific than Tarzan! It’s the one, the only, KING KONG!!!

Carl (Jack Black) is a movie producer with a wild mind for films. When he hears the CEO is planning to fire him, he slips away to a ship that will take him to the destination of his next film, Skull Island. Everything’s going the way it’s supposed to be. Carl has got a crew, a beautiful female (Naomi Watts), a writer (Adrien Brody) and an actor to do the stunts (Kyle Chandler). No problem, right? Wrong. Once they get on the island, the native people who live there don’t take too kindly to the crew. They attack the crew members and later steal Ann, Jack’s female, to offer as a sacrifice to Kong.

Once Carl and the crew go into the jungle to search for Ann, they battle dinosaurs, giant snails, and huge cockroaches. Kong is busy saving Ann from three dinosaurs and ripping one’s jaw open, which I found very sick. They finally rescue Ann, find Kong, and chloroform him by throwing a bottle of the stuff into his eye. They then put him on a ship and take him to New York.

Then it’s a love story between female and ape. King Kong is such a hero he saves Ann three times. In one scene in New York, Kong is playing with Ann on the ice in Central Park. Basically he is ice skating on his behumpus. My mom thought it was romantic when they were playing on the ice, but I liked it when the ice exploded as the military shot a gun at Kong. From my perspective, violence rocks but romance makes me want to barf.

This movie has the kind of violence you see in Jurassic Park but it’s funny in some ways, too. When Carl offers a native child some chocolate he violently grabs Carl’s arm and bites him. I had to hide behind my mom’s scarf when the natives were offering Ann to Kong, because if you see the natives you’ll get nightmares for the rest of your life (or maybe a week). Cover up!

I think it stunk that they made King Kong into a show animal. He seemed human, just like your regular everyday Robert De Niro. I’m not sure who Robert De Niro is, but Kong looked like the kind of guy who should be named Robert De Niro.

Will Kong ever escape New York City? Will Ann marry Kong? Will Kong return to his island home?

I gave this movie five stars because it was so good my mom didn’t even want to leave her seat to go to the bathroom. Hint: Don’t drink a giganto sprite.

Rated PG for frightening adventure violence and some disturbing images.

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