Personal concierge

They say you learn something new everyday. Well, I sure did learn a lot last weekend.

On our recent vacation, I learned quickly that there is a huge difference between a concierge, a butler and how much you should tip each one.

Concierges usually are found in the lobbies of the fancier hotels and inns; butlers aren’t. Come to think of it, I really don’t know where butlers reside. There were none at The Inn on Biltmore Estate when we checked in, but Lou was there.

We arrived for our much needed four-day break from the working world, not planning to do anything other than relax. Lou the Concierge had other plans.

After checking in, we stopped off at Lou’s desk. She had been working as a concierge for over 10 years and said it was her job to help us during our stay.

Yes, Lou was a lady. I asked her if she could help pay for our four-day vacation. She smiled and said no, but she could make all the arrangements for any activities we wanted to do while staying on the estate.

The Inn on Biltmore Estate sits in the middle of the 8,000-acre estate of George Vanderbilt in Asheville, N.C. It used to be over 125,000 acres, but over the years for various reasons it has been reduced to just 8,000 acres.

I couldn’t wait to start exploring, but first our luggage had to be taken up to our room. I asked, but concierges don’t take luggage up to rooms. Lou got us a bell boy to tote our bags.

When we got to the room, The Wife informed me that we should tip the bell boy at least $2 a bag. My logical argument that he was getting paid to tote bags and didn’t need me to tip him fell on deaf ears. I was out 10 bucks.

An hour later, we were up from our naps and running back down the stairs to Lou’s desk. Okay, we rode the ornate elevator with gold trim, but running down steps sounds more manly.

When Lou asked what we wanted to do, I puffed up my chest and replied, “Something action adventure.” Lou suggested Segways. She said it was so easy a child could do it. The Wife poked me in the ribs and said I would be perfect for a Segway. Lou smiled and booked us the three-hour tour.

The best way to know what a Segway looks like is to envision a square, two-foot platform with a wheel attached to the left and right sides. Standing on the platform, you hold onto the tee stick extending up from the base.

If you lean the stick to the left, you go left. If you lean the stick to the right, you go right. If you lean forward, you go fast. Lean too far forward you go really fast and then fall over — simple, right? Let’s just say, the inner child in me fell over a lot.

During the half-hour training phase, the instructor told us that Segways have a top speed of 12 miles per hour. He was wrong. I got mine up to 13 miles per hour. I remember because that’s what the speedometer read when I crashed.

The instructor stressed that even though they had all-terrain tires, they would not jump ditches. He was wrong again. Segways will jump ditches; they just don’t land too well. That was my second crash.

The instructor told us that they had been out in the rain many times, and the machines were waterproof. After I retrieved mine from the Broad River, he modified this last statement by saying that they were waterproof, but not submersible.

After our Segway trip, we tipped the instructor $20. He asked for my name and phone number. The Wife disagrees, but I think he wants to offer me a job as a Segway guide.

Once back at The Inn, Lou made dinner reservations for us at the fancy downstairs dining room. No Segways allowed.

The next morning we hiked the many trails around the estate. For two hours, I walked in front of The Wife, knocking spider webs down with a stick. When we got back, I complained to Lou. She informed me that it wasn’t the job of a concierge to knock down spider webs, but she did make reservations for our couple’s massage.

For the next three days, Lou helped us with lunch and dinner reservations, cab rides, and all of our indoor and outdoor activities.

On our last day at The Inn, Lou suggested a day spa in Asheville for our couple’s pedicures and manicures.

I must admit, the place she picked out was fabulous. My fingernails still have a shine on them. The guys at the fire department will be so jealous.