90 days of confinement

The operation to repair a torn tendon in my left arm was Day one. To be honest, I don’t really remember a lot about that day other than when I woke up, there was no pain.

This was not what the doctor said would happen. He said I would be in a lot of pain and gave The Wife a prescription for pain-killers. I remember on the way home telling her to call the doctor and tell him he was wrong.

Day two of confinement: The doctor was right. Incredible pain visited me and decided to stay.

Day three of confinement: I now know why they are called recreational drugs. I also know why they’re illegal without a prescription. Take a pill and sleep for five hours – no worries, no pain.

Day four of confinement: tired of sleeping all day. I decided to live with pain and stopped taking pills.

Night of day four of confinement: I had dream I was back at work even though my arm was still in cast. I woke up in cold sweat and figured the dream was withdrawal from pain pills. I couldn’t be missing work after only four days, could I?

Day five of confinement: I watched four movies. The last was “Snakes on a Plane.” Yes, it was as bad as the title indicated. Special note - The Wife went back to work today. She has been a great nurse but was very apprehensive about leaving me home alone. She thinks I will overdo it again and break something else. I assured her I would not.

Day six of confinement: Had to take another pain pill today, overexerted myself yesterday. All I did was walk around the neighborhood, and got too tired to do any household chores. The Wife thinks my inability to do laundry, clean house, cook dinner, or even cut the grass is a conspiracy. I assured her there was no conspiracy at work, just a clumsy husband who got hurt.

Morning of day seven of confinement: Major accomplishment! I was able to put on socks and shoes by myself. But after an hour of trying, I gave in and asked for help to tie my shoelaces. Note to self for a great invention: self-tying shoelaces.

I can’t believe it’s only been one week since the operation. I think I’m already going stir crazy. The Doctor told The Wife not to let me drive until he saw me again in 10 days. He said it wouldn’t be safe. My Doctor may be a great surgeon, but he doesn’t know beans about driving. When The Wife goes to work, I’m going to take the car out for a spin. What’s the worst thing that could happen?

Afternoon of day seven of confinement: It only took me running off the road three times to realize that my doctor’s really a smart guy. I learned driving with only one arm is a really stupid thing to do. Really makes me scared of all those drivers out there talking on cell phones. They need to be scolded by my doctor.

Day eight of confinement: Another major accomplishment today! I was able to unload the dishwasher and put away the dishes. Only broke one light blue porcelain coffee mug. Hopefully, it will not be missed. I think I cleaned up all the pieces. It was difficult to sweep the broom with one hand while holding the dust pan with feet. Note to self for another great new invention: a dust pan that fits onto the foot. Possible name for the new invention would be Dust Pan Foot.

Evening of day eight of confinement: I decided to surprise The Wife with a dinner of steak, potato, and salad. It will be the first meal in eight days she would not have to cook. She got home at 6 and was delighted. I didn’t want to spoil the evening by telling her I had best friend Mitch go to Ted’s and bring back take-out.

Day nine of confinement: D-Day! I’m supposed to go back to my doctor this morning. He’ll cut off my cast, remove the stitches, redress the wound, scold me for doing too much, and then hopefully allow me to drive.

He has got to let me drive. I have a mission to complete that is vital to my well-being, and possibly my continued survival on this planet. I must buy a new light blue porcelain coffee mug. The Wife cast a suspicious eye in my direction when she discovered it missing this morning.