$32,000 oil change

There’s a certain time in your life when you have to put your foot down. You gotta draw a line in the sand and dare the other person to step over it. And sometimes, to keep a smidgen of self-respect, you have to do something drastic. Monday was one of those times.

Now mind you, my $32,000 oil change didn’t start out costing that much. Like most things that go awry, it took on a life of its own. I drove my F-250 turbo diesel pickup truck back to the dealership from whence it came. I knew they would give excellent service as they had done so many times in the past. The problem was that their service was too good. I’ll explain.

Dropping my truck off to the service guy, I told him to change the oil and give me the 112,000-mile check up. After agreeing on a price, I asked him to call me if he had any problems.

That was my first mistake of the day. Come to think of it, that was my second mistake of the day. The first was getting out of bed. If I had stayed in bed, that oil change would not have cost me $32,000.

In less than two hours, the service guy called and said that I need a fuel filter. He told me the price, and I said, “Go ahead. If you need anything else, just call.”

He did. In less than 30 minutes, the service guy called back and said I also needed a fuel filter cap; it would be extra. He said whoever changed it last used an after-market part, and mine had to be replaced.

Now my simple oil change was up to $485, but I told him to go ahead and do it, and I’d pick up my truck on Monday. I also told him if he found anything else, not to call me back.

All weekend long I fumed about the cost of operating a diesel truck for the last six years. Fuel costs more, oil changes are double than that of a normal gasoline engine, and any work done on a diesel costs out the – well, you get the picture.

Monday afternoon we went to pick up my pickup. The Wife, she went with me. I think it was to protect the service guy.

Special note to all you readers out there: When it’s time to pick up your vehicle at the dealership, go directly to the service department. Pay your bill and drive straight home. Whatever you, don’t go into the showroom for any reason. If only I’d followed my own advice, I would be driving my truck now and not The Wife’s car.

While waiting for my truck to be pulled around, we meandered through the showroom. The Wife fell in love with The Edge. The fully-loaded model comes with something really important: heated seats.

Why? I don’t know. But for you Neanderthals out there who don’t already know, heated seats are really important for that lady friend in your life. The Edge also comes with its own theme song. While not as important as heated seats, it’s really cool when demonstrated by The Wife — who hasn’t stopped singing it.

We asked the sales guy how much he would give us for my pickup and were surprised at how much he offered. “And,” he said, “because it’s within 45 days of your birthday, we pay this year’s car tag.”

The Wife took the car out for a test drive and really loved it. She didn’t let me drive. I was too busy playing with the flip-down, eight-inch DVD player in the back and the satellite radio.

My truck didn’t have any of the features that came with The Edge. But as the service guy pulled it around to the side of the dealership, I remembered what it did have: a bill for a $485 oil change.

I turned to the sales guy and said, “If you can do something about this bill, we will buy the car.” He just smiled and went to find his manager. Two hours later, we were transferring all my junk from the truck for the last time.

To keep from paying for the $485 oil change, all it took was buying a $32,000 car. Did I show them who was boss or what?!

It’s better than what happened to my friend though. Last Saturday, he looked in the paper and saw an advertisement for “The World’s Largest Boat Show.” On Sunday, he packed up the family and headed to Marietta. When they entered the dealership, they saw a huge banner hanging from the ceiling reading “Welcome to the World’s Largest Boat Sale.”

He already had a 16-foot boat. Now they’re the proud owners of a 22-foot boat with a ski tower. He’s happy, but I don’t think his wife is. Their new boat didn’t come with heated seats or a theme song.