Clark Howard for my birthday?

“Did you see The Lockhorns this morning?”

“You mean, ‘If you really loved me, Leroy, you’d buy me a riding vacuum cleaner’?”

“Yeah. What do you want for Christmas?”

“Dave, I just can’t think of anything I want, except when I’m shopping for you and the girls and grandkids. I see all kinds of things I want then.”

“Well, let me come with you and pick something out.”

“You’re sweet, but that’s no fun. How about you? What do you want?”

“Nothing, really. We sound like our parents. Didn’t want us to spend the money, didn’t really need anything, wanted less stuff, not more.”

“That’s making more and more sense to me. We’re into the get-rid-of phase of life, I guess. Almost every one of their birthdays or Christmases, I’m giving the girls something from my jewelry box or scarf drawer. I don’t know if they even like what I give them, or regard them as flea market potential.”

“What was the most memorable Christmas gift you can remember?”

“That’s easy, if you mean the gift that brings to mind the giver. In fact, I used it today and thought about Jean as I did.”

“You haven’t told me yet what it is.”

“Oh, sorry. I’m talking, of course, about that round brush with soft bristles, on an extension handle that allows me to snag cobwebs out of the high window frames. I suppose I should take offense at the hint that my housecleaning needs help, but I don’t. I just think, ‘I love this thing. Thank you, Jean.’”

“So what do you want this year? Haven’t you seen anything I could buy you?”

“Hey, yes, I meant to tell you about…. Oh, heck….”

“Go ahead. What is it?”

“A digital picture frame, or digital photo frame, but what I want to tell you is that I don’t want it, not this year anyhow.”

“What’s a digital picture frame?”

“Don’t you remember I was looking for it everywhere last Christmas? I’d go into an electronics place and I’d say to the clerk, ‘I’m looking for a way to show people my digital photos of Samuel and Baby U without carrying along my laptop or some ugly chrome and plastic techie gizmo.’ And when the guy in the store put on his ‘clueless’ face, I’d rattle on about maybe he could invent it for me and we’d get rich selling it to new grandmothers.

“All I want it to do is display photos like you can do with a CD player, but I don’t want it to play DVDs or music, just show pictures. It would be smallish, no bigger than my 4x6 day planner, like a large wallet or a tabletop picture frame, in which you should be able to keep at least 100 photos to show friends at bridge club or baby showers.”
“And did you find one?”

“Not last year, no. But this year the clerk nods his head and takes me straight to digital photo frames. There must be a dozen brands, with little more than frame styles to distinguish them. You can leave the same picture on for the whole week of Georgie’s birthday, or do the slide show, and some you can even download music to accessorize the pictures. Some of them take every kind of memory card or thumb drive there is, and you can even do a little editing.

“They come in sizes like 4x6 or 8x10, some with nice wooden frames, some with acrylic frames – most of them would look just like traditional frames to show off in the living room.”

“Great, Sal, go pick one out and I’ll buy it for you for Christmas or your birthday.”
“No, but thanks anyhow.”

“What do you mean, No? Sounds like just what you want? That’s the trouble with you, you can never decide….”

“You don’t understand. There are two more conditions before I buy. One, they should easily run on rechargeable batteries. They’ve come this far in just a year, they shouldn’t take much power. Right now, most of them have to be plugged into house current. I don’t want electric cords hanging down the wall or off the table.

“And then there’s the cost. The better ones can cost upwards of $400, although I saw some nice ones for less than $150.”

“That’s not so much if it’s something you really want.”

“Dave, they are too much. You know how electronics are. If it’s $200 this year, it’ll be $60 next year. Just ask Clark Howard. ’Sides, look, this online phone book says they’re all back ordered.”

“I’m no further along than I was when we started this conversation. Still don’t know what to get you. Where’s the danged phone book?”

“There where it always is….er, usually is. Who’re you calling?”

“Don’t wanna spoil the surprise, but if you must know, I’m calling Clark Howard. Who’s Clark Howard anyhow?”

“I’m getting Clark Howard for my birthday? Whoo…!”