It’s a Big Fat Conspiracy

It's a conspiracy against the American people, I tell you, a conspiracy plain and simple to keep us all fat.

It’s happening in some grocery stores around this state — right in front of the most helpless of us — our children. Yes, sir. It's true, and most of us are going about our daily lives, oblivious to the insidious goings-on around us.

Well, not me. I’m gonna do something about it. What am I talking about? What has me pulling out my hair this week? (Okay, I know I don't have much hair left, but this is worthy of hair-pulling.) It’s none other than artery-clogging-fat-filled-high cholesterol foods. Somebody out there wants to keep us all fat.

You say you don’t believe me? Just read on, faithful reader, because I have proof. Say you’re a mom and you just had a baby. Congratulations! You find out quickly that babies do two things: they eat and they – err – go through a bunch of diapers.

Taking your first trip to the grocery store, you innocently walk down the aisle where the baby food and diapers are displayed. What does all of this have to do with artery-clogging-fat-filled-high-cholesterol foods? See answer in next paragraph.

After you fill the grocery cart full of diapers and baby food, just turn around and look at the shelves behind you. The shelves across from the baby products are stacked with none other than every cookie known to man — how convenient — especially for the new mom who’s trying to lose a couple of extra pounds. Need additional proof?

If you somehow resist temptation and make it over to the aisle that carries all of the diet supplements, you’re still not safe. Nope, diet supplements are on one side of the aisle, and candy’s on the other. Now you know why you can never lose weight; they don't want you to. I told ya. It’s a conspiracy. Still need additional proof?

Just take a stroll down the cereal aisle and try to find the healthy cereal. It's all on the top shelf. The sugar-filled-good-tasting cereal is at eye level; the eye level of your 6-year-old, that is. Who out there can say no to a 6-year-old? Artery-clogging-fat-filled-high-cholesterol sugary foods aren't just found in the grocery stores, though. Nope, what about those fast-food restaurants?

When you drive up in your car, you speak your order into a box. Then you drive around to the window, and your order comes in a box. Chances are if you eat that artery-clogging-fat-filled-high-cholesterol food all the time, soon one day they'll be laying you to rest in a box.

Now, mind you, to be fair, not all fast food is bad; some of that food is good. The chicken salads you get at some places are really great and healthy for you. Healthy for you — not so healthy for the chicken though. Just be sure to check out the cholesterol and fat in the dressing before adding it to the salad.

One last thought as you munch your way through that artery-clogging-fat-filled-high-cholesterol fast food you call lunch. If you must keep slurping that extra-large, simulated-milk shake, if you can't pry you hands from around that quarter-ton hamburger with extra cheese, and if eating greasy French fries has become second nature, then there's still hope for you.

Crawford Long Hospital is one of the top hospitals in the nation for heart surgery and cardiac care – and the Varsity is right around the corner. Bon appétit!