"We have nothing to fear, but fear itself." Teddy Roosevelt was said to have uttered these famous words at the first grand opening of a Denny's Restaurant. And thus began our great interest in the root of fear. With this in mind I offer some phobias that you might not find in psychology class.

Stephanopoulobia - Fear that an elf-like former employee will write a tell-all exposé on your life.

Lexicaffliction - Fear of looking up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because if you knew how it was spelled, you wouldn't have to look it up.

San Andreas Thong - Fear among Californians that if a bevy of Baywatch Babes were to run in perfect rhythm, they would set off an earthquake of enormous magnitude.

Melrose-iety - Upon cancellation, fear that to find as much greed, sex and backstabbing, you will have to start asking your co-workers about their lives.

Spring Fever II - Preseason vertigo among baseball players caused by a steady regime of 2-hour practices, all-day drinking and picking up Hooters' waitresses.

Taco Bell Syndrome - Fear when buying a burrito that a crazed Chihuahua will get stuck inside your pants leg.

A-bore-aphobia - Fear of being stuck in an elevator with a fan of "The X Files."

Ultra-bore-aphobia - Fear of being stuck in an elevator observing a conversation between two fans of "The X Files."

Spring Fever III - Fear among baseball players they forgot to notify their probation officers that they had left their home state.

Venturaphobia - Fear among politicians that citizens will begin to elect actual citizens to public offices.

Oscar Terror - Fear that Academy Awards will become longer in length than "Titanic," not Titanic the movie, but the original construction of the ship.

Marilyn Mansonaphobia - Fear among women that the lurid rock singer will continue to display a cup size larger than their own.

Vinyl Harassment - Fear of being attacked by your own over-clingy shower curtain.

Cineplexia - Fear of touching a movie theater floor.