So what is out there that needs to be covered these days? Besides the regular "Bill Clinton Victim of the Month Club," it is hard to find anything much funnier. But I'll try.

I have never professed my political party but I have to admit I could lean way Republican if Elizabeth Dole runs for President. And I would love it if Dan Quayle was her Vice President. Wouldn't that be great?

Vice President is already the "Gilligan" of jobs and who better to play Gilligan but the Bob Denver of politics, Dan Quayle. "Now sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip, It happened all in Washington, now watch his IQ slip."

Elizabeth could address the United States as the first female President something like this: "I want to thank all those who voted for me and especially the drive and assistance from my 'Little Buddy.' Of course I would like to thank my husband for his support during my campaign. And thanks too, to Viagra, because now we won't ever have to worry that he might be mistaken for a 'First Lady,' if you know what I mean!" (Winks at Sam Donaldson).

This is the first time in my 28 years of living that I have gotten excited about politics. Go Elizabeth!!

In a diverse, almost Ying-Yang story, Hillary Clinton is talking about running for the New York Senate. With the impeachment yesterday's news, Hillary is now gonna slum her crass, Madonna act into whatever arena will have her. I believe in the adage, "Most people deserve each other," and does this ever fit better than Hillary and New York?

Look how similar they really are:

New York: No matter which way you turn, you can buy a Hot Dog. Hillary: Now matter which way she turns, she's still married to a wiener.

New York: "Cats!" Hillary: Cat fights!

New York: Large Lady standing in the harbor shining forth freedom. Hillary: Ego the size of Statue of Liberty.

New York: Town full of indigents who are wanted nowhere else. Hillary: (Do I need to even say it?)

New York: A great example of ethnic diversity on which our great country was built. Hillary: Now matter which way she turns, she's still married to a wiener.

To stay on the theme of women, Celine Dion announced she was going to retire for a year. I can feel the rush of air as John Tesh and Michael Bolton fill the banal vacuum. Celine said she and her considerably older husband are going to try and have a baby. Celine is so conceited she is probably going to have the child just so she can, during birth, hit that E over high C note that she has never reached.

She may take the time to study with greats like Pavarotti while her husband is studying with Tony Randall. Well, I wish her good luck and not matter what she does, she will surely be awarded a Grammy for it. And of course she will keep her mom close when the baby is born so she can welcome the child with a Grammy.