It's 1 p.m. Christmas day and you've opened all the presents and eaten all you can hold: What do you do now? Here are some activities to help you pass the last "12 Hours of Christmas."

At one o'clock on Christmas, take one fruitcake and soak it in kerosene, then light it real soon

Gather the family 'round the fireplace to watch the holiday souvenir that will burn 'til June.

At two o'clock grab two Alka-Seltzers, throw them in a cup of ginger ale, quite dubious

Pretend you're spending your holiday abroad, watching Mount Vesuvius.

At three o'clock on Christmas take three minutes to call a loved one and give a message, heartfelt

Then watch as Uncle Mel, who ate a hefty dinner, unbuckles his pants and belt.

At four o'clock watch some TV, four Spice Girls will dance and sing

The fifth one, poor dear Ginger, now works at Burger King.

At five o'clock watch five murders as reported by the local news

Then watch consumer guy Clark Howard sing the January Credit Card Blues.

At six o'clock on Christmas video six grandkids as they are crying low

They've realized that Furbies are left over Gremlins from a movie 10 years ago.

At seven o'clock on Christmas go to the 7-Eleven to get more batteries for childrens' toys

Grab a candy cane and pecan log and savor the Big Gulp joys.

Eight o'clock has arrived: eat eight leftover Christmas dishes

Pray that the turkey is gone before March, make that one of your Christmas wishes.

At nine o'clock go see Star Trek 9, take the family and have a ball

But be careful if you buy concession stand snacks for the gang; it could be your most expensive Christmas gift of all.

At ten o'clock on Christmas night dial 10-10-Collect and save yourself some money

Call the White House and say you are Monica, see if they think that is funny.

At eleven o'clock pack everyone up and head back to the Seven-11

Buy the new National Enquirer, the one where Elvis sings "Blue Christmas" to Di in heaven.

At twelve o'clock this Christmas day is over; have 12 good tidings of great cheer