If you are someone who, like me, likes to watch sports From Dusk til Dawn, you must know the Misery that I am going through. There is something out there giving many people Tremors and it doesn't take a Cat's Eye to see it. Something wicked this way comes, my friends, and it is ghastly. There is a lack of sports to watch.

Now, don't start Howling and don't Scream. We boarded this Terror Train long ago and now enter the Fog. We must trudge through these Dark Shadows that lie between the end of one season of sports and the beginning of the following season. The fall season of high school sports is almost over. Softball and volleyball crumbled and fell like the House of Usher. There are only two more cross country meets and football games for us to, like Dracula, sink our teeth into.

Some of you out there may chalk these things up to Child's Play but fans like me are rabid, like Cujo. Sports, to us, are Needful Things and we enjoy being the Watchers. This may come as a Shocker but this Nightmare on Elm Street, so to speak, goes much deeper.

If you are anything like me, I know what you did last summer, you watched baseball. You were thrilled by every Fly ball, hoping it was another homerun. You went Psycho for The Shining that baseball's tarnished image got. The postseason was like Prom Night until the Braves were dropped like hideous Ghoulies and Critters before the King and Queen were crowned.

Some of you may think I'm just being a Hellraiser or a big, fat Pumpkinhead but The Thing of it is , it's true. We are headed to a place like the Twilight Zone, The Dark Half of a month with only college and professional football to sate us. This Amityville -type-Horror has never gripped us before either. Typically, we have professional basketball to act as a Firestarter during the increasingly cool autumn nights. The NBA lockout has made our televised professional sport selection Thinner however. All that we are left with is golf, auto racing, hockey and football on the weekends. It's for The Birds if you ask me.

I am a part of a very special Species, a Nightbreed if you will, that feeds off of sports highlight programs. We are Scanners who will stop on any sports related program, anything to feed The Hunger. By Monday, these programs have driven the weekend's events into a Shallow Grave, driving us into the Jaws of sitcom tomfoolery. They run out of things to cover and we run out of things to watch. With virtually no sports to follow for a month, I'm sure I will be a Basket Case. My insides will feel like somebody did a Texas Chainsaw Massacre on my insides and then laid them out on a Witchboard.

It is Near Dark now and these thoughts have already made tonight enough of a Fright Night. Soon, there will be redemption. High school basketball will start after Thanksgiving, as will college basketball. The NBA is full of Leeches so I'm sure that their greed insures at least a partial professional season. Soon after the first of the year spring training for baseball will begin. Life will become exciting again. "It Lives," we will shout. "It's Alive."

Happy Halloween and have a safe Trick or Treat, you Children of the Corn you.

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