As a lawyer, I am often asked by neighbors and friends what I think of the amendments to the Georgia Constitution we are all asked to vote on. My general advice is to vote NO on every one of them, and here's why.

Our federal constitution is fairly succinct and straightforward. After over 200 years, it has had 27 amendments. In contrast, our Georgia Constitution is a mess. It was such a total mess that in 1983 it was completely rewritten and cleaned up, but the legislature has been trying, with some success, to mess it up some more ever since.

Those of us who follow the legislative process realize that our legislators are by and large buffoons who spend their time hosting Little Miss Watermelon or Miss Georgia Peanut, and from time to time adopt resolutions making some bug, reptile or vegetable the state insect (honeybee, GA Code section 50-3-58), or the state reptile (gopher tortoise, section 50-3-63), or the state vegetable (Vidalia Sweet Onion, section 50-3-65).

In 1997, they designated the Hawkinsville "Shoot the Bull" barbecue championship as the official state beef barbecue championship cookoff, while the Dooly County "Slosheye Trail Big Pig Jig" was made the official state pork barbecue championship cookoff (section 50-3-75). Earlier this year, they designated an official state peanut monument.

These are the same people who now ask us to vote on proposed amendments to the Constitution of the State of Georgia, and you can see why NO is a good start for an answer.

Let's look at this year's batch of amendments briefly one by one.

The first one is a request to double the real estate transfer tax, a kind of sales tax on the seller, now $1 per $1000. The pretext for it is the financing of a so-called Land, Water, Wildlife and Recreation Heritage fund. While it is not a bad idea to preserve wildlife, it almost always is a bad idea to earmark this tax for this, this tax for that, and this other tax for this other thing. We should look at our total resources and allocate them according to the priorities of the moment to avoid waste. Least of all, it is not a good idea to put that in a constitution.

The second amendment proposal would restrict the use of lottery money to some educational purposes over others. This is ridiculous. So long as the money is used for education, it ought to be used where it does the most good, and that can change over time. Amending the Constitution for something like this is ludicrous.

The third amendment is a bit like the first, but with a twist. Few people realize that there's already a kind of sales tax piled onto the fines people have to pay for traffic violations and other offenses. There's something like 10 percent extra to help finance local jails, another 5 percent to finance the Peace Officers' Benefit Fund, and another 5 percent for the Local Victim Assistance Program.

That's unwise. There ought to be one honest amount for a fine, and how it is split up afterwards ought to be the state accountants' problem. Here, somebody who wants to do a favor to people with brain injuries is trying to tack on an extra charge on drunk drivers. We should amend the Georgia Constitution for that? Bad idea.

The fourth amendment tries for a roadside beautification fund paid out of fancy car tags and other fees. Keep the prisoners picking up the trash along the highways and you won't need that additional patronage opportunity.

The fifth amendment proposal is a doozie. The legislature wants to appoint a citizens' committee that will decide how much they are paid. Now, who do you think they will appoint to the committee if this amendment passes? If you answered Little Miss Watermelon, you're close. One favor begets another.

The five referendum questions that follow deserve the same treatment, but at least they wouldn't mess up our state constitution.

If you don't want to have to stand in line for an hour waiting to vote while your conscientious neighbor reads all these amendment and referendum proposals for the first time in the voting booth, tell him ahead of time he can skip them or vote No. Remembering that the people who propose them are the same ones who made the Shoot The Bull barbecue the official state barbecue will help make your decision an easy one.