Aerobicizing with my inner female

By MICHAEL BOYLAN

The whole thing began last February when I attended a pre- and post-natal water aerobics class at the World Gym on Ga. Highway 54.

Apparently it was a class tradition for the “daddies” to take the class with the “mommies” on the class day closest to Valentine’s Day to see just what the “mommies” were doing two times a week.

I saw it with my own eyes, heck, I felt it for a week afterwards and I still couldn’t believe it. As sweat stung my eyes and every muscle burned in my body, I wanted to scream, “Why do you do this to pregnant ladies? This can’t be good for the babies!”

I did not scream, though. I looked around at all of the happy, glowing faces of soon-to-be moms and shook my head in disbelief, but I grinned and bore it for the duration of the hour-long class.

I learned a lot in that hour. First and foremost, I learned that I was sorely out of shape, which is never a fun thing to find out. I started thinking back to those days when I could play a pick-up game of basketball or run the bases in a softball game and not be terribly winded.

Those days were over and all that was left was a haze of memories featuring Double-Stuf Oreos and Spongebob Squarepants Ice Cream.

I also learned that when you have weights on your ankles in the pool, you don’t want them to rise up. If they do, you will flip over and you will have a heck of a time trying to right yourself. You will also take on massive amounts of water up your nose and in your mouth.

In addition to the pain and discomfort you will experience, you will be embarrassed by all of the “mommies” who have never flipped over and are now laughing at your struggles.

The class ended and I ached. I tried to put that painful chapter out of my mind and I continued to gain all of that “sympathy” weight that Sabine was just not gaining.

A few months later, Sabine had the baby and soon returned to her biweekly class. She would go to class and I would stay home with Colin.

It was only fair that she should get a bit of a reprieve since she was home with him all day while I was at work, but I wanted some time too, so we joined the gym together.

At first, it was just so I could use the pool but I soon realized that I had forgotten a lot of my Y training and swimming laps was a bit of an embarrassment.

It was then that I saw that the gym offered water aerobic classes for non-pregnant or post-pregnant women. I gathered up my bathing suit and towel and went to class.

Have you ever had that dream where you’re back in high school and there is a test that you didn’t study for, you’re buck-naked and everybody is looking at you and laughing?

I kind of felt like that at the first class because I was the only man in the class. It shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did.

It was also surprising that the majority of the women in the class were old enough to be my mother. That’s getting harder as I get older.

I hung up my towel, gingerly got into the pool and started jogging with the older ladies.

Meanwhile, the people who attend the gym to work out looked through the window at me, like I was some kind of animal on display. I felt like I could read their minds and they all thought that I was some weirdo.

Being a class rookie was tough. I didn’t know what the moves were and our instructor kept encouraging me and my classmates to scream “Whooo!” in order to burn off 10 percent more calories.

I couldn’t speak, much less “Whooo!” I just kept looking at the clock and waiting for the class to be over.

While I waited for the clock hand to move, my body was being stretched and abused like never before.

Eventually, the class ended and I went home. During the car ride, I started to wonder if I would go back to class. I was the outsider and some of the women probably assumed I was just there to see women in bathing suits and maybe hit on them.

I started to think that if they thought about my attendance at all, they were telling themselves that I wouldn’t be back.

It was for that reason alone that I showed up to the class again and started going fairly regularly. I had quit at lots of other things before. I wasn’t going to quit this.

Recently Sabine has started going to the class with me, so I am no longer the outsider. In fact, when she started taking this class instead of “Mommies in Motion,” I was the veteran and she was the rookie.

It’s a fun class and exercising feels better the more you do it. I still miss my disgusting sundaes made with whatever kind of dessert topping I can find in our kitchen but not looking like a very pregnant woman has its advantages, too.

Mainly, less shame. That’s something we all could use.