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Salon truth: Reassuring is very bad

By RONDA RICH

A while back during a dinner with just the divas, my sister was telling about a disastrous hair appointment earlier that day.

She was distraught. She had instructed her stylist to add highlights to her dark hair that, personally, I think she needs, but after this particular hair appointment, that is now a moot point.

“He twirled me around in the chair to look at it and I was blonde!” Now, the genetic gene for embellishment runs strong in my family, especially in our women, so I took that assessment with a grain of salt and made no comment.

Since she had already restored her hair to its naturally non-highlighted state, we had only her word. But I couldn’t see how someone with coal-dark hair could suddenly become blonde. She continued.

“My heart stopped and all I could think was how (my husband) was going to kill me when he saw what I had done. So, I said, ‘Don’t you think it’s too light?’”

The stylist immediately began to reassure her that it was the perfect color, absolutely stunning. “Then,” reported my sister, “I looked up and I was surrounded by other stylists telling me how beautiful I looked.”

That’s when I knew she wasn’t embellishing.

My eyes widened. “Uh-oh,” I responded, shaking my head. “It must have been really bad.”

See, here’s the deal: When a hair stylist screws up your hair, he knows it so he sends a secret coded signal to his colleagues in the salon who immediately flock around your chair to assure you that you’ve never looked better.

It’s not unlike baseball where the pitcher and catcher signal each other with a tip of the hat, touch of the eyebrow, etc.

Any woman, Southern or not, knows she’s in deep trouble when all the stylists converge around her. When it’s really bad, they also gather up the receptionist, manicurist and the postal carrier who is dropping off the mail.

The more people who tell you how good you look, the worse it is. Trust me on this.

Besides bragging on how beautiful the ugly hairstyle is, they’ll also tell you one of the following, depending on your age: That it makes you look “sophisticated” (for the pre-Botox set) or “young” (for those who aren’t).

For the record, nothing is more insulting to a woman with a bad hair-do than to be told it makes her look “young.” That is akin to pouring salt into peroxide-induced wounds.

In other words, you’re old and you have a bad hairstyle. That’s enough to make a true-blooded Southern woman take to her bed for days.

This only happens in expensive hair salons, though. At beauty shops, like the one where I go, no one goes to the trouble to call in reinforcements. Or even to care, really.

They’ll just go, “Hmm. Didn’t quite get the color right today. Well, don’t worry about it, it didn’t cost that much. We’ll try and do better next time.”

At least they’re honest, which is better than being sabotaged by false flattery. And, it’s much, much better than being told that it makes you “look young.”

May every decent, God-fearing woman, Southern or not, be saved from that humiliation.