“Be Cool” not so hot

Someone should have taken this movie’s own advice to “Be Cool,” because that is one thing this film is not…cool. Playing off the success of 1995’s “Get Shorty,” John Travolta reprises his role as Chili Palmer, a smooth “shylock” with dreams of making it big in the entertainment business. Having made his mark in the movie business in “Shorty,” Palmer switches to the music business in “Be Cool” and loses his foothold on everything hip, including hip-hop.

Directed by F. Gary Gray, who gave us films like “Friday” and “The Italian Job,” which are far better than this mess, Gray tries to duplicate the cleverness of “Get Shorty” only managing to produce a washed-out Xerox of the original.

There are too many similar plot devices in “Be Cool” that only end up diminishing an already weak script. The old TV blaring in the middle of the night routine is used again. I suppose we are supposed to find it humorously ironic instead of a running gag that just seems winded. Even the rental car bit is used again, but this time it’s a little car instead of a big car. If this is script writer Peter Steinfeld’s excuse for wit, I would avoid anything else he’s written. “Analyze That” and “Drowning Mona” are two shining examples.

How cool can this fabricated world be when Aerosmith is considered the be-all and end-all of rock music? Steven Tyler plays himself managing to be genuine in a too old to be on stage sort of way. I blame Mike Myers for the ultimate resurgence of Aerosmith’s popularity due to his “Wayne’s World” schtick, “We’re not worthy!” I think it’s the other way around. What did we do to deserve this horrible fate?

Even more bizarre is Tyler’s duet with Linda Moon, the central character of this convoluted story, a singer/songwriter trying to make it in “the biz.” She is rescued by Palmer from the clutches of Raji (Vince Vaughn, a white guy who thinks he’s black.) Vaughn tries to wring laughs from his lame attempts to rap and talk trash. It’s only funny if you agree that white people are just a bunch of total squares.

That seems to be one of the subliminal messages here. Later, Cedric the Entertainer has to remind us how white people owe blacks everything when it comes to music. I beg to differ. This kind of guilt trip is far from cool. Cedric, who plays producer extrordinaire, Sin LaSalle, takes Moon in hand late in the film and over-produces her music. He’s beside himself with joy at his own slight of hand. In the background, his inexplicably successful band the Dub MC’s groove to his handiwork as if to say, “This is the way it’s done, son.” The MC’s don’t seem like the most lyrical bunch of guys with their average upper arm size of 22 inches. Big guns are their thing, as they intimidate their way into the top 10.

I suppose this is all tongue in cheek, a clever wink poking fun at what big music business is like these days.

In the end, Linda Moon wins best video at the MTV music awards. Big surprise! She sounds like Beyonce or one of those note-bending singers that have come to dominate the charts. Personally, I can’t stand that kind of vocalizing. It’s just boring, much like this clueless film.

Worst of all, even though he was funny playing against type, The Rock, as a gay bodyguard, got most of the laughs. What I find disturbing is that this gay-bashing humor is still considered hilarious.

The overall impression I got from “Be Cool” is that there are many issues left to resolve today about race and sex. Nobody in this film has any idea what cool is. Maybe that’s the big joke. I just don’t think it’s all that funny.