In just a few days our living room will be a disaster area. Empty boxes, wrapping paper, and ribbon will be stacked knee-high and the house will be full of new toys, clothes, games, books and puzzles.
To be perfectly honest, every Christmas when we have finished opening presents and I look at all the piles of toys, clothes and other presents, I always feel a little guilty. I travel all around the world and I know that on this one morning, my children get more things than most kids around the world will get in a whole year. In some cases, more than they will get during their entire childhood.
When I was a child, we had a fairly modest Christmas. My sisters and I would get one “big” present from Santa. It was rarely elaborate – one year it was an inexpensive used bicycle that I rode for several years – but it was the nicest thing we got. We then got a stocking, a few smaller presents, and of course underwear and socks. Our tradition was to unwrap presents one at a time and even then our whole family would have opened all the presents in 30 minutes. At my house now, it takes two hours.
Don’t get me wrong. I love watching my excited children open their presents. Likewise, my sisters and I were not deprived as children. We got plenty of presents. The thing that troubles me is that no matter how much children receive for Christmas, when the presents have all been opened it isn’t unusual for them to say, “Is that all?” I’m sure I did the same thing in my childhood.
During the war in Sarajevo several years ago, I read a story about a boy who gave his sister an apple for Christmas. Times were very difficult in this war-torn country that had, just a few years early, been quite prosperous. The boy’s sister was delighted to have a piece of fresh fruit, a very generous gift. I wonder what my children would say if the only present they got for Christmas was an apple? I would love to say that I have raised children that would say “Thank you,” and mean it (my older two probably would), but I’m sure my youngest would say, “Is that all?”
In Tim Kasser’s book, “The High Price of Materialism,” he notes dozens of studies that demonstrate that materialism not only fails to produce happiness, but it does just the opposite. The most content and happy people are those who are least interested in material possessions. Our culture consistently bombards us, especially our children, with a message that teaches a lie; that you will be happy if you have a certain game, piece of jewelry, car, type of clothing, or toy. This message is especially overt during the Christmas season. Here are a few suggestions to combat the materialism of the holiday season and to de-emphasize “things.”
For each new toy your child gets, have him select an old one to give away. Spend a few of the child’s school vacation days cleaning his room. Have him go with you to the charitable organization where you give the toys away so he can see where they go.
Put some new toys away for later. Most children, especially very young children, won’t even remember all they got for Christmas. They will play with a few things and the others will sit unused. Put a few of the unused toys in a box and bring them back out in February when the newness has worn off of the toys that have gotten the most play.
Make sure your child writes thank-you notes to each person who gave her a gift. If she complains, take the gift away until she complies. If the child is too young to write, have her color a picture that you can include in a thank you card. Thank you notes are as important for the person writing them as it is to those receiving them.
Finally, and maybe most importantly, model gratitude. If your children see in you a person who emphasizes the things of life rather than the people of life, you can be fairly certain that is the kind of people they will become.
