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In praise of men who remember

“Look at this,” I said, handing the card and box of perfume to a friend. She read the sweet note sent in thoughtfulness of my birthday and nodded slowly.

It was obvious she didn’t understand the grandness of the gesture.

“That’s my favorite perfume.” Still, she looked puzzled. “I went out with him once when we both spoke at a convention in Biloxi, almost two years ago.”

Still, she didn’t get it.

“I was wearing that perfume that night.”

Her eyes widened. “He remembered.”

A man remembering is worthy of great admiration from any woman. Her face lighted up. She got it! Then, the look of admiration morphed quickly into arched-brow cynicism.

“Yeah, but did he write it down?” she asked.

“Who cares? The point is he paid attention and he remembered.”

I’m thinking of marrying this man.

And not because he is the exact duplicate of John Kennedy, Jr. — for once, I am not embellishing — but because he is what we women dream of always.

A man who will notice the little things and use them to woo us; a man who actually remembers birthdays and writes notes laced with romantic words; a man who represents Southern courtliness at its best; a man who would never call on your birthday from a cell phone with a scratchy signal and try to yell out best wishes before the signal vanishes.

“I think you should write a book for men on how to remember like this,” I said to this genetic wonder of beauty and grace, Paul Mellor of Richmond, Virginia. He thought I was joking.

“Do you think that men would really buy it?”

It was his turn to joke around. Poor silly guy. He has no idea what a rarity he is.

Few men are interested enough to buy a book that will improve romantic relationships. It is the common male belief that “hardly at all” is “plenty enough” when it comes to seducing women with romantic gestures.

“No,” I replied. “But women will buy it by the handfuls and you’ll have a runaway bestseller.”

I mean it.

If we can teach men to remember the little-but-oh-so-important things, we will have accomplished something greater than putting a man on the moon.

It is interesting the things they forget. That’s why so many women choose to marry on Valentine’s Day.

Since commercialism is tremendous leading up to that day, it is possible, a woman will surmise, that he’ll remember their anniversary. If he forgets one, he’ll forget the other, which means that they will only have one big fight rather than two.

It is sad that we women have to go to such extremes to keep harmony and to spare our own feelings.

My friend, Julie, is married to a man who has the same birthday as she does. He always remembers his birthday and always forgets hers. She is a good woman (better than me) because she has been able to look past this and stay married to him for 14 years of missed birthdays.

I am convinced that Paul has a special secret that should be shared with the world for the sake of womanhood as well as mankind. It is the type of secret that can boost morale and sales in the lingerie industry (wink, wink). I even have a name for the book: “Lovemaking By Memory.”

Why?

Because if men start remembering better, there’ll, no doubt, be a lot more lovemaking going on.

[Ronda Rich is the best-selling author of “What Southern Women Know (That Every Woman Should)” and “My Life In The Pits.” She lives in Gainesville, Ga. E-mail her at southswomen@bellsouth.net.]