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Suggestions for some needed
local laws

By JOHN THOMPSON

In an increasingly ”big government” red county like Fayette, we’re starting to see the advent of more lifestyle and health-related ordinances passed by the local governments.

Peachtree City has passed a non-smoking ordinance, and if last week’s discussion is any indication, it appears the town of Tyrone will also jump on the anti-smoking bandwagon.

Even though I’m a smoker, I can see some of the wisdom in the ordinances. I don’t like smoky rooms or restaurants, but I feel if we’re going to start creating these types of ordinances, we also need to pass laws that will also protect our mental health.

If I was a city councilman or county commissioner, I think these are some of the ordinances I would like to see passed.

• The peace of mind law. I’m a big fan of dining out. To me, there are only a few things more pleasurable than dining out with family or friends and discussing the day’s events.

However, my dining experience is inevitably ruined by bad children. I’m talking kids who run and yell through the restaurant, while their parents pretend they don’t exist. I think parents should be responsible for their kids and consider the feelings of others. If not, they should be fined and banished from restaurants.

• The public politeness law. Is there anything more annoying than being out in public and hearing several cell phones go off? I swear, if I hear Beethoven’s Fifth one more time, I’m going to lose my mind. People who don’t know etiquette should have their phones confiscated.

• The competent worker rule. How many times have you gone into one of our fine retail centers in the county and tried to get somebody to help you? Many times, you’re greeted with a blank stare and a cold shoulder. Businesses should have to hire polite and friendly workers or pay a fine.

• The boom box law. Peachtree City spent years working on the big box ordinance, now we need to focus on the boom box. I know there are noise ordinances on the book, but nothing seems to be enforced. I’m tired of pulling up to a stop light and having what’s left of my teeth rattled out of my head as some pimply-faced teenager blasts the newest Eminem songs at decibels that would make dogs howl. Pull that Camaro over, officer, and read him the riot act.

• The multiple ribbon law. OK, folks, we all know you support the troops. Just because there’s no ribbon on my car, don’t look at me so suspiciously. Now, the ribbon-mania has grown to supporting your kids, pets, etc. Stop the madness! More than one ribbon gets you a fine.

Some of you may question the wisdom of being so Draconian in my approach to local government. But if we’re going to get into the business of protecting people from physical health hazards, we also need to focus on making this a kinder, gentler society for everybody’s mental health.

A little compassion and politeness can go a long way in attempting to maintain a civilized society.