Nearly every parent has experienced the frustration of a child
who won't go to bed or won't stay in bed. By the end of the day,
parents are worn out, they have spent most of their time serving
others - their jobs, daily business of household management,
and children. If you are like me, you look forward to those few
quiet minutes when your kids are in bed and you can actually
take some time to read a book or just sit quietly until you head
off to bed yourself.
Children who have just transitioned from a crib to a bed are
no longer prisoner in their beds and it isn't unusual for them
to get up many times after they have been put to bed. Older children
are sometimes guilty as well. Children who have done well staying
in bed, for some reason start getting up complaining about being
afraid, inability to sleep, or something similar. In order to
help both child and parent address these problems, here are several
suggestions that should help.
First of all, bedtime should be a routine. As often as possible,
do exactly the same things in exactly the same order. For example,
in our house, when I tell my son that it is time to brush his
teeth, he knows that bedtime is near. Brushing teeth is the first
step in our bedtime routine. Even when you are traveling, maintain
bedtime routines as much as possible. Take along special blankets,
stuffed animals, or storybooks that will maintain your routines
and help your child prepare for bed.
Routine not only makes the process easier, but it also helps
the child's body recognize that quiet time is drawing near. Our
bodies remember things we teach it. Have you ever found yourself
a passenger in a car and tried to step on a non-existent brake
pedal? This is your body responding to the way it was conditioned
- you step on the brake when you want to stop. Even though your
brain knows you are not driving, your body takes over sometimes.
In a similar manner, the bedtime routine cues the child's body
that it is time to sleep.
An extended warm bath can be a helpful part of bedtime routine.
Playing quietly in the bathtub will help the child's mind slow
down and the warm water will relax her muscles. In a similar
way, warm milk can also help. A University of Pittsburg study
showed that drinking a glass of warm milk helped subjects fall
asleep faster than those who didn't drink warm milk. Warm milk
contains tryptophan, the same chemical that is in turkey that
makes us all sleepy after Thanksgiving dinner. Even though this
by itself isn't the whole solution, if your children like it,
it can be a helpful addition to the routine. The mother of one
of my child clients called this her Magic Bedtime Milk and it
helped her son fall asleep more quickly.
Close your bedtime ritual with quiet time in the bed. Read a
short book, talk about the day, and snuggle for a few minutes.
When my middle daughter was little, we always started snuggle
time with, "What was your favorite part of the day?" I
also use bedtime as a time to encourage my children by telling
them what I enjoyed most about them that day.
Avoid rowdy activity just before bed. While it might make sense
that wrestling before bedtime will use up some energy, just the
opposite is true. When children generate energy like they do
when they wrestle, it is hard for them to shut off that activity.
Therefore, while strenuous activity may make it easier for adults
to get to rest, it will just get your children wound up.
Finally, exercise patience. Children have fears, they have to
learn how to be alone, how to shut off their own minds, and how
to allow themselves to fall asleep. It is easy to get angry when
the child has gotten up for the tenth time, but be patient with
them as they learn.
