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Roses ... just because

By Rick Ryckeley
Contributing Writer

If you have been married for any length of time, you’ve made mistakes and gotten yourself into trouble with the wife.ÊA stray look here, a few wrong words there, then bam!ÊYou’re in hot water.ÊIt’s only natural. Face it, guys.ÊWhen it comes to the evolutionary chart, we don’t rank very high.

Believe it or not, as wonderful as I am, even I have tripped a couple of times down the road of matrimony, but there’s one mistake that I haven’t made, possibly the biggest mistake of them all when it comes to giving roses.ÊNever, ever have I’ve given roses to The Wife when she was mad at me.ÊBut some of you not-so-thinking Neanderthals out there still do; ‘tis my job to set you cavemen straight.

The Wife is a teacher, and school started back last week.ÊNeedless to say she was a tad stressed. After spending five hard days with a bunch of teenagers, I, being the magnanimous Neanderthal that I am, decided to surprise her, and a room full of teenagers, with a dozen roses.ÊA simple task even for a Neanderthal like me, you would think.

I stopped at the over-priced florist shop, and they told me that a dozen roses were $59.99 and the box or vase was extra. Now, mind you, I would spare no expense on The Wife to make her happy, but I ain’t paying $60 for a bunch of roses and not even getting a box!ÊI said no and went straight to the friendly neighborhood Kroger store around the corner; they had cheap (inexpensive) roses.

Upon reaching the floral department with my chest puffed up, I proudly announced, “Me need flowers for Wife.”

The little florist just looked up at me and coyly replied, “What did you do?”

The more I tried to convince her that I didn’t “do” anything, the more she was convinced that I had. “No one gives roses unless they’re in trouble.” Like I said, you thoughtless Neanderthals out there who only give flowers when you’ve done something stupid have really messed up it up for the rest of us who only give roses just because.

She handed me the 12 long-stemmed red roses in a ruby red vase and asked if I was sending a card also. I gave her a caveman grunt, nodded, and she pointed to the card aisle. Over my shoulder I heard her say, “There are plenty of them that say ‘I’m Sorry’ on the second aisle.”ÊShe was right. With knuckles dragging the floor, I lumbered over to the two aisles of greeting cards and found that the second aisle was indeed completely dedicated to saying “I’m sorry” a thousand different ways. Only five cards on the bottom shelf at the end said “Just because.”ÊThanks, you thoughtless Neanderthals.

My tale of woe doesn’t stop on the card aisle, oh no. While standing in the checkout lane, the two ladies behind me first remarked how beautiful the roses were then asked me what I did. Even the checkout lady who rang up my $29.95 long-stemmed roses in the ruby red vase asked me what I did to get into so much trouble.

Frustrated, I replied, “Nothing. I’m not in trouble.”ÊThen she asked me what I was going to do, and I again replied, “Nothing. I’m not in trouble, and I don’t plan on getting into trouble. Bought roses for The Wife ... just because.”

She gave me a “you-really-don’t-expect-me-to-believe-that” grin.ÊGuess she’s married to a thoughtless Neanderthal.

The long-stemmed red roses in the ruby red vase made it to school a little after one o’clock and checked in with the office to get a hall pass, knuckles dragging all the way. The office staff (all ladies) ooohed and aaaahed when they saw the roses; then they peppered me with questions: “What did you do? What are you going to do? Did y’all have a fight? Did you forget her birthday?ÊYou forgot your anniversary, didn’t you?”

By the time I got my hall pass and made it out the office door, I realized that maybe paying $60 for a dozen roses and $20 for a delivery charge wasn’t such a bad deal after all. Dragging my knuckles, I lumbered down the hallway with the roses and finally made it to The Wife’s classroom.ÊI knocked on the door even though my knuckles were sore from being dragged all over town.ÊWhen she opened the door, her eyes sparkled and face beamed as she did a little dance for joy.Ê“You’re so thoughtful,” she said.

I whispered to her and winked, “There are only 11.ÊYou’ll get the 12th one when you get home.”

All the kids in her classroom said in unison, “What did you do?” Thanks, all you Neanderthals out there, sounds like you’re raising your kids they same way.

True love is experiencing a lover’s first blush, walking a deserted beach in the evenings and watching the sun slowly dip beyond the horizon as the orange and yellow finger rays of sunset reach across the sky toward moonlight, and sharing life’s daily experiences then growing old together.ÊI have found my true love.

Enjoy your roses, my darling, just because.

[Rick Ryckeley is employed by the Fayette County Department of Fire and Emergency Services. He can be reached at saferick@bellsouth.net.]