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Panther 5K Fun Run

By Rick Ryckeley
Contributing Writer

Okay, let’s get something straight right from the start. When you have children, you do things you’d normally never do.

For instance, when they’re babies, you’ll make silly faces and babble incoherently. Come to think of it, The Wife and I went to our favorite microbrewery last week, and we saw a few people doing that and there were no babies anywhere around. Guess that was a bad example.

When the kids get a little older, you may go to kindergarten and eat lunch with 25 screaming kids. When middle school rolls around you could decide to volunteer your time as a coach (ask me about that one before you do) and when they get into high school like The Boy, you might even participate in various fundraisers for their athletic teams. This is where the Panther Prowl 5K Fun Run comes in.

First of all, let me erase any doubt you may have. There is nothing FUN about running a 5K fun run.ÊFive K’s can’t be that long, I thought. So I told The Wife to sign us up.ÊShe said we didn’t have to run the 5K because even though it was a fun run, we could walk. Even better, I thought.

I think they deliberately called it a 5K instead of what it really was: 3.2 miles. If they called it a 3.2-mile run, no one would show up. The Panther Prowl should be renamed The Panther Crawl; that’s the way I felt afterwards.ÊDude, 3.2 miles is a looong way to run, walk or whatever.

We arrived at 6:30 p.m., which gave us plenty of time to watch the pre-race show before the 7 p.m. start time.ÊQuickly, I could spot the serious runners from the walkers.ÊThe runners were already stretching and doing warmup laps around the football field.ÊMost wore spandex running shorts, tank tops, new special lightweight $150 marathon running shoes and wrist pulse meters.

The walkers, of which The Wife and I were proud members, had totally different clothing. Walkers wore assortment of satin baseball shorts, cotton gym shorts, cut-off blue jeans, Grateful Dead T-shirts, football and baseball jersey, race shirts, ball caps, a straw hat or two, wrist watches, three people wore sunglasses (even though it was raining), and cell phones.Ê Footwear varied from loafers, to combat boots, to basketball shoes, with a pair of flip-flops or two here and there and not one running shoe amongst them.ÊHeck, even one girl went barefoot!ÊWalkers ... definitely my kind of people.

The type of clothing worn was not the only difference between the runners and walkers last Friday night. There were many more differences. For instance, the runners talked about all the training they did before the event; the walkers talked about all the beer they were going to consume after the event. The runners watched the Ethiopians run in the 10,000 meters and Olympic marathon for inspiration that morning as they consumed their sports shakes and swallowed their vitamins. The walkers read the sports page in the AJC and consumed their daily intake of artery blocking, cholesterol-filled bacon, eggs, and biscuits. The runners measured the distance to be run in kilometers; one member of our walking team measured it in cigarettes.ÊA 5K Fun Run is four cigarettes in duration.

The runners checked in at the sign-in table, got their numbers and free T-shirts and went out on the track for the start of the race Ð for runners it’s all about the race.ÊSome of the walkers checked in at the sign-in table, got their numbers and free T-shirts, and then went home.ÊFor the walkers it’s all about getting the free T-shirt.

The rest of us walkers went down to the track at the starting line where someone with a bullhorn was giving instructions.ÊI raised my hand and announced, “Excuse me, I don’t need any instructions; I already know how to walk.” My comment spurred laughter from the rest of the walkers and a sharp poke in the ribs from The Wife.

The gun sounded, and we were off, runners and walkers alike.ÊTwice around the track, then up past the high school, past the middle school, turn right at the elementary school, back down past the middle school, and around the high school.ÊWe did the same loop around the schools for a second time, then back down to the track for one additional lap.ÊThe speed-o runner who won did so in 18 minutes; we finished up walking in 52.

Many things I learned from the Panther 5K fun run. You can raise a lot of money staging a 5K running event. Walkers have a whole lot more fun than runners. Runners never smile; walkers do.ÊRunners recover from their efforts with a cold shower back at the house.ÊWalkers recover from their efforts with a cold adult beverage from the local microbrewery. But the most important thing I learned was that when a runner has lapped you twice and is about to lap you for a third time, it will take all your remaining strength to fight the uncontrollable urge to throw a stick out in front of him. Didn’t say I did; just said I wanted to.