Sunday May 23, 2004

Husbands, earn a new name


Remember the movie “Dances With Wolves?” Kevin Costner portrayed a Civil War hero who was reassigned to the western frontier. One day a group of native Americans watched him play with a wolf in a meadow. Hence, his new name: Dances With Wolves.

Husbands, what if your wife gave you a name based on what you do in the home? Sits on Couch. Hoards Remote. Reads Newspaper at Breakfast Table. Plays Much Golf.

Okay, maybe you’re not that bad. I am, at times. How can we change our wives' perceptions? By changing our actions.

Make a P.A.C.T. with your wife:

• P=Pray. In premarital counseling I tell couples, “God has given two paths to intimacy for the Christian couple. One is physical intimacy. The other, spiritual intimacy, is discovered when you pray together.” Prayer bonds a husband and a wife like nothing else. It forces vulnerability and honesty. It allows a couple to share a few moments of intimate conversation with one another and with God.

Husbands, take initiative. Ask your wife to pray with you. Hold her hands. Bow before God. Ask Him to bless your home and marriage. You may have to remove that macho mask for a minute or two, but I promise it’ll be worth it.

A=Accept. Foster an accepting atmosphere in your home. Our wives aren’t perfect. They make mistakes from time to time. But remember, so do we (probably more often than they do). Realizing your wife accepts you with all your faults, accept her in the same manner.

Additionally, in a world where beautiful models with perfect bodies and unblemished skin are splashed onto every magazine cover and television show, our wives may worry, “Does he still think I’m pretty? Do I still turn his head?”

We’re quick to criticize and make fun. Instead, let’s assure our wives, “To me, you’re the most beautiful woman in the world.” Put her on a pedestal. Let her know through your words and actions that there’s nothing else, and no one else, as important to you as her.

• C=Communicate. Guys, talk. Our wives aren’t like us. Studies say women speak an average of 25,000 words a day. Men speak less than half that. We can sit in front of a ball game and carry on entire conversations with one another by grunting and pointing.

Our wives need something more. Conversation. Small talk. Big talk. Every night, as trite as it may seem, ask that age old question, “Dear, how was your day?” Then listen. Ask questions. Act interested. Even better, be interested.

• T=Touch. Here’s the scene. You’re in a restaurant. You see a couple across the room. They’re sitting on the same side of the booth. They talk and touch and giggle, completely enthralled by one another. What do you conclude? They’re not married yet.

You see another couple. They’re sitting across from each other. Both study their menus. Ignore each other. Each look as though they want to be somewhere else. Must be their 25th anniversary!

This need not be. Husbands, when you’re walking to the car, grab your wife’s hand. Hold it. Throw an arm across her shoulder. When you walk in the house give her a peck on the cheek. When you see her across a crowded room, wink.

And one final suggestion: Clip this article from the paper. Put it in a card;a dainty one with lace and flowers. And write a note: “Honey (or Dear, Schnoochums, Muffin, whatever applies), Let’s make a P.A.C.T ... “

Who knows? Maybe she’ll give you a new name. Holds My Hand. Winks Across Room. Loves His Wife.

(Daniel Overdorf is the senior minister of Fayetteville Christian Church at New Hope and Hickory Roads in Fayetteville. He may be heard each Sunday at 10:30 a.m. as a part of the church’s weekly worship. Daniel may be contacted at the church office (770-461-8763) or at


What do you think of this story?
Click here to send a message to the editor.

Back to News Home Page