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Wednesday, January 7, 2004 Needs grow with elders More families are challenged as population of seniors grows By CINDY KRISCHER GOODMAN Rosy Lopez was meeting with a vendor in her office three years ago when the call came from her mother. Again. “She was hysterical, screaming that there was a lady in her room stealing things and she was going to call 911. I knew there was nobody there,” Lopez said. “The sales rep sat for half an hour while I calmed my mother down on the phone.” It was then that Lopez knew she had to take action. Lopez, an administrative manager at McDermott Will & Emery, called her firm’s employee assistance hot line and began to sort through a maze of elder-care options. Since then, Lopez has adjusted every aspect of her life, from expanding her house to include a room for her mom to hiring a full-time caregiver to coaching her own children on how to behave toward grandma. Many workers have learned that elders’ health crises often strike family members with little warning and lots of disruption. If you are a working adult, chances are that you, too, will assume eldercare responsibility at some point. The numbers say as much. At least 16 percent of the workforce already provides elder care. Life spans are lengthening and the ratio of elderly to middle-aged people is expected to rise 50 percent by 2030, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. The numbers show that family members provide 80 percent of the care for the aged. Businesses have begun to realize the difficulty employees face when juggling care for an elderly parent or relative and carrying on their own lives. Though eldercare benefits are still not as mainstream as those for childcare, some businesses are offering referral services, subsidized elder care, emergency elder care, and on-site eldercare centers. The Society of Human Resource Management expects to see a steady increase in eldercare benefits in the next five years, particularly through employee-assistance programs and flextime arrangements. How to care for an elder may be even more relevant and problematic in communities where the culture embraces parents living with their adult children. One friend of mine found family members disapproved when she turned to an assisted living facility after she found that caring for her mother at home, even with a sitter, was too difficult. The dilemma has forced some workers to retire early, seek jobs with flexible hours and even take short leaves. Lopez has two teens of her own and is the only child of parents who had her late in life. Her mother was 45 years old. The trend toward late births is even more prevalent these days. “I find myself at the age of 37 dealing with an 82-year-old mother who has Alzheimer’s — a whole new set of work and family issues.” Lopez hired a daytime caregiver for her mother, an option that may elude others. She says she has learned how to fit her mother’s doctor’s appointments into her work schedule or make up the time she needs off. “They are very accommodating here, but if someone is at a new job or owns a small business, I don’t know how they do it,” Lopez said. Stan Douglas, a former banker, has managed to care for his elderly mother, who has Huntington’s disease, while running an Internet travel business from his home. To do this, Douglas built a duplex whose alternate side is occupied by his mother and her caregiver. He and his wife share their side with his mother-in-law, who is retired and self-sufficient. “It’s easier with a home/office scenario because I’m readily available if my mother needs me, but it’s harder as well when I’m trying to take care of business without interruptions,” said Douglas, 50. Douglas has lived with the arrangement for six years. Douglas makes all decisions on his mother’s finances, care and medical treatment — calling it “a time-consuming, emotional challenge.” Paul George says he was working as a professor at Miami Dade College and a historian to the Historical Museum of Southern Florida, and giving historical tours of Miami-Dade County when his father passed away and he realized he needed help with his mother, who had developed dementia. “My mother had asked me not to put her in a rest home,” George said. Because his siblings lived outside of Florida, George chose to buy his mother a condo near his home and hire a live-in caregiver. Even though he followed through on her wishes and had the legal paperwork in order, he was unprepared for the emotional toll. “Here was a wonderful woman who I revered all my life, and I had to put her in the hands of a stranger,” said George, whose mother recently passed away. “Thank God my job had some flexibility and I could schedule her medical appointments around my classes.” Most working adults say there’s a lot of guilt and second-guessing associated with caring for an elderly parent or relative, maintaining a personal life, and doing what’s financially feasible. Monte Kane, a Miami CPA and certified senior advisor, says people should ask elderly relatives their wishes and financial resources before the situation becomes critical. “If a caregiver gets too worn out, it’s not good for the person, or the elderly.”
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