Wednesday, December 24, 2003
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Wednesday, December 24, 2003 |
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My letter to Santa By MICHAEL BOYLAN Dear Santa, Though this letter/column will run on Christmas Eve, which may be a little late — even for you — I hope you can help me out. As you already know, I’ve been pretty good this year. I do my chores with minimal grumbling, I’ve been trying to watch my mouth and I’ve been fairly nice to people all year, generally speaking. So, what do I want this year? Well, first, I think I’d like that drum set that I seem to have to ask you for every year. When I was growing up I was told that it just wasn’t the right time or that you didn’t have room in the sleigh or that my mother’s Christmas wish negated my Christmas wish. In fact, I heard that last one several times. But now, I’ve got my own house and I want to play drums. Just like my favorite drummer of all time, Animal. Secondly, how about that Lego movie-making kit. I know some people might say I’m a bit old for toys, but if I’m not too old to watch Sponegbob Squarepants at 10:30 at night and see all the toy commercials, then I might not be too old for the Lego movie-making thingee. It looks cool and I could make all sorts of movies. The first thing I want to do is make a Lego remake of “The Big Chill,” only this time I’ll include more of the previously unreleased Kevin Costner footage. Third on my list is a Snoopy Sno-Cone machine. This is another holdover of things I did not receive years ago. I guess it didn’t make much sense to give a kid in Massachusetts a sno-cone machine, when all he had to do is scoop snow off his window ledge for the next three months and put some chocolate flavoring in it. Well, now I could use it. Winter will most likely be over very soon down here and I’d like to kick back on my deck this spring and make my friends and family some sno-cones. Be sure to add extra flavoring packets. Fourth, could you use some of your magic and get me a U2 Joshua Tree tour shirt, like the one I had years ago, that just disappeared one day? I don’t know what happened to that shirt, or my Guns N’ Roses Appetite for Destruction shirt with the band members’ faces looking like skulls. If you could find either one, in my current size, I’d appreciate it. O.K., now here’s the intangible requests, but hopefully enough people asked for these this year and you could help make them happen. 1. No more war. Please. Help get everybody home and help everybody just chill out. No more shootings or bombings, just peace. Sprinkle some fairy dust over Iraq, quietly so no one thinks it’s a chemical attack, and make everything peaceful. Just for a little while, anyway. 2. A special flu vaccine in all candy canes. Apparently, there are not enough flu shots for everybody and some people are getting really sick, so a little Christmas magic to make people feel better would be great. 3. Last thing, can you do anything to make people nicer for a little while longer? Leading up to the holidays, everybody is so nice and giving and generous and then, right after the new year, the old frustrations come back. How about slipping some nice drugs in the candy canes laced with flu shots? See if that works. O.K., well, I know you’ll get this before you leave as you are an avid reader of The Citizen Online, and I know I can’t get everything on my list. That’s part of your mystery and charm, I guess. Thanks, have a safe ride - don’t fly too close to those no-fly zones, and I’ll drop you a line next year. I promise I’ll write earlier next Christmas. Love, Mike
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