Wednesday, December 3, 2003

The perfect gift for my loved ones

By RICHELLE JARRETT JORDAN

As Christmas approaches, I am berated with flyers from various stores trying to sell me the perfect gift for everyone on my shopping list. Over the past 20 months, I have personally been learning firsthand about the ideal gift to give all the special people in my life.

In March 2002, my 34-year-old husband began having trouble controlling the movements on the left side of his body. Various doctor visits, an MRI and two brain biopsies confirmed that he an inoperable, incurable brain tumor.

Within that same month, he lost the ability to walk more than a couple of steps and basically lost the use of his left arm and hand.

Before that time, Scott was considered to be in great shape as he went to the gym regularly and even taught karate. He played several musical instruments and sang beautifully. At Cooper Lighting, he managed a team of computer programmers. At 6-feet-4-inches, 200 pounds, this handsome man seemed to have the “world by the tail.” Scott’s life (and the lives of those closest to him) literally changed in what seemed like the blink of an eye.

Despite all the adversity, we are doing OK and cling to the strength we draw from our faith, our marriage and the support of others during this incredible journey.

My loving husband of over 12 years now spends most of his days in a hospital bed on one side of our bedroom. Because he has received the lifetime maximum amount of radiation and chemotherapy for about 18 months, he is often tired and weak. He has totally lost the ability to walk and is completely dependent on others for almost everything.

His main outings include going to the doctor, but every couple of months, we are thankfully able to go out on a “date.” A couple of years ago that was no big deal to me. Now, I treasure every moment, and so does he.

Despite being confined so much, he maintains a positive and gracious attitude. It’s absolutely amazing. His mind is still quite sharp and he continues to use lengthy words that challenge my command of the English language.

Scott is at peace with what is happening, not to the point that he has given up the fight, but to the point that he knows his time here is important and shouldn’t be wasted.

We have been definitely blessed with an 8-year-old boy and a 6-year-old girl. They know what is going on and have handled the situation beautifully. Ryan continues to delight us with his quick-witted humor. Katherine absolutely brings joy to our lives as she totally takes in the world around her, at full speed.

At times, I do feel so sorry for these children as they are missing being able to completely experience their daddy. This is a daddy who would give anything if he could pick them up again in his arms, play a game of Frisbee or race them to the mailbox.

The other night, Scott actually felt good enough to get out of the bed for dinner. As I wheeled him into the kitchen, the children basically hovered around him like he was a celebrity and even coaxed him into playing a game of air hockey at the table.

Although I was busy preparing supper, I had to stop and take a photograph of that moment. In any other household, playing a game might not been considered a big event, but it certainly was to those delighted children.

After dinner, Ryan followed Scott into the bedroom and just sat there by his bedside in the dimly lit room talking to his dad. Although they probably can’t even recall the topic of their conversation, I could tell that the undivided attention Scott gave Ryan meant an incredible amount. I overheard our blue-eyed boy make Scott promise they’d talk again the next night. As our son proudly came out of the room, you could tell that he knew he was loved. What a priceless feeling.

So when you start thinking about bestowing a wonderful gift on the people in your life, realize that the most perfect present you can give is simply making them feel loved. So, find ways to love on them. It may be seem like the smallest gesture, but in the long run, it will outlast and outshine any grand Christmas present you could possibly buy.

[Richelle Jarrett Jordan lives wth her loved ones in Fayetteville, Ga.]