Wednesday, October 29, 2003
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Wednesday, October 29, 2003 |
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Hats off to pastors' wives By JOHN HATCHER Women, generally, hold the two most difficult jobs in America. The first is that of single parent mothers. They work full time jobs; nightly cook a balanced meal for the kids; help the kids with homework; clean the house; get the kids ready for bed; all of which leaves two or three minutes for personal time before they crash into their lonely bed; getting up the next morning, they start the whole routine again. Their only relief comes when the non-custodian father takes the kids for all too brief of a weekend. Then, there comes the other most difficult job in America. And talk about that job is in keeping with the theme of this column for the month of October, which has been designated Clergy Appreciation Month. That job is the wife of the pastor. She, not he, has the most difficult job in the church. And this column this day salutes all the wives of all the pastors. You are under-appreciated, often neglected, and mostly suffer in silence through the decades that your husband serves his sometimes not so sweet little lambs. My hometown pastor’s wife tells the story that while her husband held a teaching position at a university, he got the yearning for the “warmth of the pastorate.” After he returned to the warm “hot fires” of the pastorate, she never let him forget his statement. While serving his final church, he was ridiculed, the subject of malicious gossip, and tormented by the church’s deacons. There were those who said he was not “spiritual” enough while those outside the church often expressed appreciation for his contributions to the “uplifting” of the city. All the time, his wife stowed it all and suffered in silence. As she set foot regularly on church grounds, she had a smile for everyone — even the ones who were working feverishly for the undoing of her husband. No one dared ask her about her true feelings. Perhaps, even to this day. Most church people don’t want to know the hurts and haunts of the pastor’s wife. They just want her to be a sweet little one with no opinions about anything significant save her volunteering to serve in the nursery. Once, in a church I served, I suggested that my wife serve on the church nominating committee. She has a good sense of discernment. But after the deacon chairman made the appointment and before the week was out, a senior and respected deacon to seek my wife’s resignation approached me. She complied and I could tell a little some of her lofting feelings about the church died. The argument was that her serving on the nominating committee would be perceived as too much power in the hands of the pastorate. In the way things go, the pastor often comes home and dumps on his wife about what sister so-and- so said and what power broker himself is demanding this week. What does she do with it? What she really wants to do is make a few home-styled Molotov cocktails and toss a few. Or she would like to sing a solo the coming Sunday, entitled, “Take This Job and Shove It.” However, most pastors’ wives take their burdens to God in prayer. They couldn’t make it any other way. Consequently, they probably, more than anyone else, are the most spiritual people in the church. I would say that if the average church member took what most pastor’s wives take and respond in like fashion, they would be right up there with Mother Teresa or is it Saint Teresa. So, thank you, wives of the pastorate. You should be the most respected, admired, and revered one at church this Sunday and every Sunday. It may be that God in heaven will appoint you permanent chair of the board. Then, they will listen! [John Hatcher is pastor of Outreach International Center, 1091 South Jeff Davis Drive, Fayetteville, Georgia 30215. 770-719-0303.]
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