Wednesday, October 1, 2003
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Wednesday, October 1, 2003 |
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I believe I would fly By MICHAEL BOYLAN It is a question that man has pondered for centuries: Which super power would you choose, if you could choose one, and why? The debate has taken place at water coolers, at lunch tables in cafeterias around the world, at sleepovers and at parties where people play corny games. Today, I will offer my thoughts on this query, going one by one down the list and figuring out the pros and cons on both sides. Superhuman strength - Sure, it sounds great but wouldn't you have to be ginger doing mundane tasks? What about trying to start your lawnmower with the pull cord? You'd probably yank out the engine and throw it into the next zip code. Opening a semi-frozen car door in the winter could lead to no door if you're not careful. Aside from the "don't know you're own strength" mistakes though, would superhuman strength come in handy enough to make it useful? You could help clean up downed trees after storms and pull out cars that are stuck in snow banks, but do you really want to have to move to a cold weather climate to use your powers? You could swing around tanks and throw them all over the place, or beat up hundreds of bad guys at once, but when will that really come up? So, no to superhuman strength. Power of flight This one seems to be an obvious yes. You could fly all over the place, even to outer space if you wanted to, without having to go through all of those additional security measures. I mean, think of it, you could take your own nail clippers on vacation with you and you wouldn't have to keep buying some and leaving them in your rent-a-car. Heck, you'd never need a car again. No more traffic jams, and it would probably be really hard to get lost as you could just fly up higher to look for a familiar landmark. It does get colder the higher you fly though, so you would need more than Superman's tights to get you through. The question is how fast would you be able to fly? This one is definitely a maybe. Superhuman speed You could run around the world, if you wanted to, but I think hitting an object, any object, at superhuman speeds would do a lot of damage to both you and the person or thing you hit. Think of the roadkill. You could use the power for evil, by robbing a place without being spotted, but that isn't the point of the column. I'd have to say no to superhuman speed. Power of invisibility I have always liked this one, partially because of the ability to sneak into places and not be seen. That would technically be a crime though, so I guess it is out. You could be useful as a spy, but it would probably be kind of boring and just because you're invisible doesn't mean some bad guy won't get lucky and shoot you. I guess this one is a no, too. The ability to communicate with sea creatures No. Adamantium claws springing from your fingers Sounds fun but what happens if you get itchy at the wrong time. No. Shooting webs from your wrists that help you swing around town and trap bad guys I won't lie, this has always been one of my favorites. Plus, it kind of gives you the power of flight, but just locally. As long as you can trust the webs to not break, I think this one is a definite possibility. The power to transform your size This one might be good. You could either become gigantic or really, really small at your command. You could go anywhere and, as a giant, would probably have the superhuman strength. Another maybe. Superhuman vision This would be handy on those searches for weapons of mass destruction, but the temptation to look at undergarments and further may be too great for many people out there, myself included. I'll pass. The creation of ice, water or fire Could be fun, but fire is not a toy and could get out of hand quickly. So, no. Now, for the final decision: flight, webs or size changing. I'm going to have to go with flight. I wouldn't have to pay outrageous airfare, wouldn't have to worry about crashing and would have unlimited freedom to go wherever and whenever. What do you think? Send in your name, age and answers and they may be used in an upcoming column. |
