Wednesday, September 10, 2003
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Wednesday, September 10, 2003 |
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The cow and the pig: learning to look at the whole picture By JOHN HATCHER The wife and I were making our way home, traveling south of Fayetteville on Georgia 85. We passed Melear's Barbeque. We had just been downtown Atlanta making a call at Grady Hospital. While in downtown Atlanta, we noticed all the beautifully colored cow statues decorating the city's streets known as CowParade, the world's largest public art event to show in the Southeast United States. The event debuted in Atlanta June 28. So, as we passed Melear's it only made sense that I point out the cow positioned in the front yard of the restaurant. I called attention to the cow in front of the restaurant. My wife said it was not a cow, but a pig. As we continued to drive south, she kept insisting, "It is a pig." I countered, "It's a cow." More than ten times did we make our insistent statements. We realized there was only one way to settle the argument make a u-turn and examine the critter. As we were driving back, we made a deal: whoever was right would get a foot massage that evening at home. Driving back to the scene of the conflict, I could just feel my feet receiving a wonderful, lotion-lathered massage. It would be the end of a perfect day. We had a great church service that morning and had found out that a young couple who had an accident on the way to church that very morning were fine and being released from the hospitals (in fact, the accident took place as they were turning into the church's driveway). As we approached Melear's that standard of a Fayette landmark we both just knew we were right, not together, but separately. And then our eyes beheld what we had never seen. There was a pig statuette and a cow statuette only feet apart. What do you know? We both were right. Neither was wrong. No one won the foot massage because we both were right. What a grand illustration for conflict in marriage. From Mary Ann's perspective, she saw one thing a pig. Yet from my perspective, I saw another thing a cow. Because of different perspectives as we drove by Melear's, we saw the situation differently. Many an argument between husband and wife starts off because of different perspectives regarding an issue. The issue may be the purchase of a new car or living room furniture. The issue may be the best way to raise the kids and the kind of discipline to mete out. The issue may be the lack of personal, intimate time afforded by the calendar and clock. The characteristic that we approach such "issues" is the old reliable, old fashioned, "I'm right and you are wrong" approach. The "I am right and you are wrong" approach to conflict resolution invariably leads to a Mexican standoff, or a stepping out of the room or house by one or the other, or a shouting match that requires several days to get back to a civil, "good morning." But there yours truly was with his mate of nearly 29 years employing the good old "I am right and you are wrong" approach to conflict resolution. The good news is that we made a U-turn. The Bible's word for a U-turn is "repent." The word "repent" is colored with military green, meaning to make an about face (a 180-degree turn about). We made the U-turn to go back and look at the truth, to gaze with some degree of effort at the scene of the crime. As we approached Melear's, I quickly saw my vindication the cow. But just as quickly Mary Ann saw the pig. Eureka, we both were right, but not all right because our vision was limited. Upon returning to the scene, we saw the whole picture. Perhaps that can be a parable to all of us married folks. With our opinion and our slant on things, we just know we are right; but, we are not seeing the picture. We need to repent and return to the whole issue again; without smoke and fire, bells and whistles, shouts and groans, we need to look at the issue again in all its truthfulness. We need to return together so that each can see what the other saw. To strengthen communication in marriage, you will always need to hear out the other perspective because in all humility, with just one perspective you are somewhat limited. So, say to your spouse, "Well, dear, what's your take on this? What's your perspective on the issue? What do you think?" Then, wait for revelation. The cow was never alone. The pig was always there. John Hatcher is pastor of Outreach International Center 1091 South Jeff Davis Drive Fayetteville, Georgia 30215 770-719-0303 |
