Wednesday, September 3, 2003
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Wednesday, September 3, 2003 |
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Staying married is about a faith By JOHN HATCHER Getting married is easy. Staying married is hard. Getting married only takes a few dollars, a blood test, and a willing minister or justice of the peace. Staying married takes a few hundred thousand dollars, a host of tough decisions, and a willingness to listen to some strong words from your mate and maybe even a host of ministers. Getting married is about a feeling. Staying married is about a faith. All marrieds and yes, the formerly married, remember the tingling feeling of the hand in hand, cheek to cheek, and lips to lips. Getting married is about a feeling you feel you never felt before. All the bells and whistles go off and on. The lights flash off and on. You just know it's the real thing. The stars are their brightest. The moon is its largest hitting your face like a big pizza pie(thanks Dean). Staying married, on the other hand, depends upon an unseen, unfelt faith in one another and in God. Faith, by its definition, has no bells and whistles, no flashing lights, no tingling feeling in the stomach or fingers. Faith remembers the words, "for better, for worse, in sickness and in in health." Faith hangs in there when all hell is breaking loose. Why? Because faith believes in the value of the tendered covenant and the promise of God's provision. People who stay married are absolute liars whose pants will catch fire if they contend they have never disagreed or experienced moments of wishfully looking over at greener grass. People who stay married tell about major mistakes, perhaps a couple of knockdown drag-out fights, and undoubtedly regrets too numerous to mention. But you see, they stay married, live through it all, and enjoy the blessings of fidelity, longevity, and dependability. My wife and I can say something that thousands upon thousands of couples can't say and probably never will be able to say and that is this: we have been married nearly 29 years. More than a million couples divorce before celebrating their first anniversary and the average length of a marriage for those who divorce is less than 10 years. What if couples would stick it out a little longer? Both may realize they will never find a perfect mate and it's about time to start making personal adjustments to make this one marriage work. Marriage is more about faith than feelings! Hollywood, Viagra, and the under-the-bed magazines make a consistent case that marriage is all physical, sensual, and gigantic orgasms and climaxes. All three witnesses urge men and women that if their marriage is deficient in these feelings, can it and get another. Additionally, the world has so deified the human ego that if you can't get along with someone you married, it must be his or her fault. So, cash out and get another who sees life your way. I know a man who is working on number three and he probably got along a whole lot better with number one and two than the one to whom he is married now. The world is a liar. Marriage is about decreasing one's ego and learning how to love someone else. Marriage is about becoming a better person, not finding a better mate. Marriage is about becoming more Christ-like, not finding the perfect mate. How so? Because marriage calls for selflessness while the world calls for selfishness. Let me encourage you to bite the bullet and make it another year. You'll find the blessings! John Hatcher is pastor of Outreach International Center 1091 South Jeff Davis Drive Fayetteville, Georgia 30215 770-719-0303 |
