Wednesday, August 27, 2003
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Wednesday, August 27, 2003 |
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It's not about you ... it's about the children By JOHN HATCHER The last several weeks I have been seeking to champion the state of marriage. Indeed, it is an honorable estate of life. So many blessings come from marriage too numerous to mention in this continuing column. Just think, if a siege of loneliness were to hit me, all I have to do is walk downstairs and strike up a dialogue with my wife. Or, perhaps some state of nausea were to come over me, I could call out to her and she would be there to doctor the ailment. Or, perhaps I needed her to read over this column to give me a thumb up or down, she would be more than willing being ever sensitive to my tender ego. In the near 29 years of married life, my wife has been there to grow old along with me all 10,500 or so days. Through her I've discovered my strengths and weaknesses especially the latter without great trauma. You see, she loves me and I love her. The times I have hurt her and after coming to my senses, the question stares me in my face: why do I hurt the person I love the most and who most loves me out of the millions and millions people? There's not a soul who would believe in me as long as my wife. Indeed, marriage is a glorious state. For that very reason, the Apostle Paul compared the glory of a husband and wife with the glory of Christ and his bride, the church. Paul contended that the relationship between Christ and church was of a mysterious kind. So also, the relationship with the husband and wife. What other relationship is there through which you can paint the house together in the morning and make love together that night? What other woman in earth after seeing you in your twenties would still think you are super in looks and in bed in your seventies? No other than the wife of your youth! And I could go on and on about the incredible wonder and glory of marriage. The truth is that not enough make over marriage. Far too many of us only focus on the wearisome and loathsome aspects of marriage. I hear guys talk about their "old lady" and the wife is only 35. We hear marriage jokes, one after another. Truly, marriage gets bad press and hardly anyone stands up and details the benefits of marriage. But and this is big but, there's another reason that makes marriage one of the most transcendent and magnificent of relationships: within the context of a marriage God gives us children. Of course, there are two ways to look at children: as the icing on the cake or the icky stuff on the cake. I prefer the former. Since my wife and I only had one such blessing, I slightly envy those with three, four, or even five children. Many couples have been reading my marriage columns in the last several weeks. Some have been trying to look at their marriage from a more positive point of view. Some are trying to convince their partners and even themselves that marriage holds for them more than they ever thought. Yet, fully realizing that some marriages are in trouble, I want to plead to couples to work it out for the sake of their children. Yes, children are a good reason to suppress your disappointments in one another and make it another 10 or 15 years. Perhaps during the time you are doing marriage for the sake of your children you will learn that marriage, in the first place, was all about doing for someone else and not for you old selfish one. A couple will ask, "Well do you think it's good for the children to see us fight it out every night or wouldn't it better if we just separated?" My response is this: "Stow your anger and disagreement for the sake of your children. Remember, your children were given to you in the first place because you promised to love one another for better or worse. Right now, it's worse. So, live with it and let your children see a real life example of love and civility at work. Let your children see two people making a sacrifice for the sake of someone else." Hey, husband and wife: during the time you are sacrificing your right to rant and rave, you just might fall in love again and remember why you married him or her in the first place. Remember, it's not about you now. It's about the children. John Hatcher is pastor of Outreach International Center 1091 South Jeff Davis Drive Fayetteville, Georgia 30215 770-719-0303 |
