Wednesday, June 11, 2003
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Wednesday, June 11, 2003 |
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When secrets need to be told By JOHN HATCHER What are your family secrets? Every family has one or two or more. Secrets can be good, funny, bad, and ugly. There are secrets that are sources of love and affirmation. There are secrets that can be used to manipulate and destroy. My father and I had a secret. Often we would cozy up to one another when I was a pre-adolescent and rub each other's arms determining which arm was the smoothest. Of course since his arm had more hairs, he always won out. Regardless, I can remember it as a secret act of meaningful touch. Then, there was that Christmas time when I was ever so anxious to find out what my oldest sister was getting me for Christmas. She had a daughter two years my junior (as I was in the fourth grade). I played a game and officially formed a secret club and invited my niece to be a charter member. But, in order to be a member, each one had to tell a secret. You guessed it. I exacted from her what her mother, my sister, was getting me for Christmas. To this day, I don't remember the gift, but I do remember manipulating my niece. The oldest Old Testament book of the Bible, Genesis, tells of a family secret that was best kept in the family and not blabbed out to everyone It seemed that old Noah had planted a vineyard upon the flood-reproved earth. He harvested his grapes and made him some wine. He had a little too much to drink, however, and was discovered in his birthday suit by his son Ham. After his eyes got back into their sockets, Ham went and blabbed the entire incident to his two brothers and who knows who else. Because he blabbed, even you and I know all about it. Upon discovering that he had been seen uncovered, Noah pronounced a curse on Ham. The truth is this: that was a family secret that should have been kept in the heart and memory of Ham. How many children have happened in on mom and dad in the process of bedroom aerobics? These are memories to be stored, not recalled at a gossip session. I am glad neither my mother or my wife chose to tell everything I did or said. But there are secrets not best kept. Genesis also talks about another family: a man with sons and daughters. After moving into a new settlement, Jacob's daughter was raped by the local, pagan prince. Rather than moving toward confrontation and resolution, Jacob permitted his sons to take revenge upon the prince and all men of the community. A full scale slaughter of all men and looting of all possessions followed on the part of Jacob's sons. Please turn to Genesis, chapters 34 and 35, and read all about it. Full scale destruction results when these kinds of secrets are not handled properly. Right now in our metro area there are children living with incestuous fathers and the mothers believe the best thing is to keep it a secret. It is not true. It is better for a man to spend 15 to 20 years in prison rather than his child spending the rest of her life thinking she did something dirty and wrong suffering all the time in silence. I don't believe we the general public realize these kinds of secrets damage the hearts, minds, and souls of family members. These kinds of secrets destroy people, create sexual predators, and cripple intimacy of affected family members for life. I encourage that if you are keeping secrets of this nature, you have a holy obligation to seek help from your minister or another caring professional. Sitting on this kind of secret only aggravates it into something worse. This is an instance when it's mind over matter. You must take matters into your own hands and get help whoever you are in the family where this sort of thing is happening. Act today! John Hatcher is pastor of Outreach International Center 1091 South Jeff Davis Drive Fayetteville, Georgia 30215 770-719-0303 |
