Wednesday, May 14, 2003

Ellises tell of painful journey to acceptance

By JOHN THOMPSON
jthompson@TheCitizenNews.com

As storms began forming through the Atlanta region last Wednesday, Fayetteville's Jeff and Patti Ellis took their message of inclusion to an ancient church on a rapidly gentrifying corner of Peachtree Street in downtown Atlanta.

Jeff and Patti made the journey last week to St. Mark United Methodist Church to share a simple tale of family love. Last year, the Fayetteville couple won the church's Cordele Award for helping to support diversity in the community.

In December 1997, the Ellises learned their son, Adam, was gay.

"It was an extremely lonely time. I stayed in that dark closet for three years," said Patti.

The crowd of nearly 100 sat rapt as Patti and Jeff spun their journey of acceptance. After searching the Internet and looking for other families with similar situations, the Ellises started their own Web page in 2001-familyacceptance.com.

Since the start-up, their Website has received more than 3.5 million hits, which is probably one of the largest numbers for a Fayette-based site.

Jeff and Patti have also personally answered more than 3,000 e-mails, which have ranged from heartbreaking to anger-inspiring.

The e-mails have come from around the world, including Bombay, India and the United Kingdom. Many of them come to the Website seeking knowledge on how to deal with a gay family member.

During their journey of acceptance, the Ellises have been shunned by some in the community, but refuse to give up the fight.

"I'm not leaving Fayetteville because of it," Patti said.

When it was Jeff's turn to address the crowd, he said how he couldn't understand the churches reluctance in not reaching out to the gay population.

"Why shouldn't every church be inclusive?" he asked.

The Ellises go around the country and speak to different groups and deal with troubled kids and parents on an almost daily basis. They see kids killing themselves because their families won't accept them. They hear anguished cries from mothers who wonder why they were "cursed" with a gay child.

But through it all, the Ellises keep their heads up and spirits high and preach the gospel of inclusion.

Jeff told about the recent controversy surrounding Sen. Rick Santorum's recent anti-gay comments. He said it's a good sign that many agencies and leaders have denounced the comments, because 10 years ago it probably would not have happened.

As Jeff recounted the pain of parents he'd talked to, many of the audience had tears in their eyes and you could see a glint of recognition on their face. They had been down the same path, but some looked like they had different results than the acceptance Jeff and Patti provided their son.

When they finished their presentation, many in the audience rushed up to the stage and thanked them for their inspiring words.

Outside the storm promised by weather forecasters arrived, but inside the Ellises maintained their dignity and composure. This Fayetteville couple had survived a storm far more harmful than anything Mother Nature could throw at them.