Wednesday, October 30, 2002
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Wednesday, October 30, 2002 |
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Why I Love Being a Writer By MICHAEL
BOYLAN
Tomorrow is halloween. Over the past few years my column has been about letting kids trick or treat or which scary movies are the best ones to watch. Today, this is a special column. I will not be writing about Halloween but rather a special visit to two career classes at Whitewater Middle School last week. Each class gave me a word or phrase starting with each letter of the alphabet and I will use every single one of them in this column, which I have titled, "Why I Love Being A Writer." Yo, being a writer is awesome. I like it much more than playing guitar. I truly love words, like nerds and t-birds, as well as kamikaze, jumanji, supercalafragilisticexpialidocious and car. Words can give writers power. Wave a pen over a page and Kablam! They might describe obscene tangerines, an apricot, zucchini or yappy yams (which I guess are talkative Thanksgiving treats). And whenever I want something different, I can change on the turn of a dime. I can write about elephants taking over the world and the dog with a unibrow that has been hired to stop them. See, the world is starting to crumble and the dog, named Bingo, must escape from a ventilation shaft filled with some vicious, x-ray fish. After escaping from the shaft and saving some dumb blondes and gurgling hicks, the dog eats a plate of ice cream and jello, from a loafer, which is the way all dogs prefer to eat. He then bundles up his pet eel, Runky Dory, and takes a camel to a battleship, which is the center for the evil plan to destroy the world. Quiet jingle bells play as Bingo approaches the battleship. Bingo and Runky Dory masquerade themselves as part of the marching octopi that patrol the battleship. The loveable losers soon get found out by the octopi. "Hey, those are some fake octopi," one of the octopi shouts. After being captured, Bingo asks how the octopi could tell. "Because we wear a particular type of pants," Dr. Heck- No, the octopus general, said. "Plus, our underwear has a zipper. Now, it is time to knock you into oblivion." "What," said Runky Dory. "No way!" Bingo and his eel were brought to an underground cavern. "You will be dropped into the cavern and I am afraid it will be impossible for you or your squirmy friend here to regenerate," said Dr. Heck-No, cackling. "You'll never get away with this, you quack," Bingo shouted. Suddenly, a platoon of ferocius frogs burst in and began to give the octopi army purple nurples. "This is for trying to take over the world and for trying to destroy our top agent and his best friend," said the frog commander as he and his men escorted the octopi to jail. "But I didn't do it," said Dr. Heck-No. "I don't care," said the frog commander and all of the good guys shared a hearty belly laugh. If they make this story in to a film I want Wang Chung to do the score on a xylophone, with some old Satchmo records sampled in as well. That would be off the chain. See, anything is possible with the right amount of imagination. It also helps to be a little crazy and to write every day. I hope this story was enjoyable for my readers, as well as for the two career classes who had to listen to me for 45 minutes straight. The end. |
