Wednesday, October 16, 2002

Dumb laws and the states who love them

The Georgia Supreme Court is examining the legality of the fornication law, thanks to a young couple from Fayette County. The law states that it is illegal for unmarried people to have sex. While I'll admit that it makes sense to try and protect youngsters from making a mistake, there are adults, divorcees and widowers that should be left alone.

This law got me interested in other laws and after some research I found out some very interesting things. Georgia actually has a number of odd and, some would say dumb laws. For instance, it is illegal to say "Oh boy" in Jonesboro. This law was established because after slavery was abolished, that was how white people would call over black people looking for work. I can just see a kid at Christmas opening a present that looks like a bike under the Christmas tree and six members of the local SWAT team breaking down the door and hauling the kid off.

Here are some other interesting laws in Georgia. All citizens in Acworth must own a rake. This must be in case of a snake invasion or if that massive leaf storm ever comes. In Atlanta, it is illegal for a person to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or a streetlamp. The law does not specify whether or not it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a fire hydrant or tree.

Also, a man can not be on another man's back in Atlanta. The "Piggy Back" law has entrapped many men who have severely sprained their ankles and needed their friends assistance. This law bothers me because I wonder if piggy back rides were rampant in the city. I can just see tons of homeless people giving the equivalent of rickshaw rides for change.

In Dublin, it is illegal to wear a hood or anything that conceals your identity in public. This doesn't count on Halloween, if you are under the age of 16. I guess adults can't be out in public in costume. It is also illegal in Georgia to carry an ice cream cone in your back pocket on a Sunday and it is illegal to keep a donkey in a bathtub. Now, in all fairness, Georgia isn't the only state to have these two laws on the books. Alabama also has the ice cream law and the mask law and South Carolina says that horses aren't allowed in bathtubs. Donkeys are probably o.k. because they are smaller.

Alabama has a few other really dumb laws such as you can't play dominoes on a Sunday. Again, I picture a SWAT team busting into an old age home and throwing some guys out of their wheelchairs and into the paddywagon. Another great dumb law is that it is illegal to flick boogers into the wind. Can you imagine the state legislator trying to get that law passed? "Gentlemen, I experienced something most foul the other day and we must do everything in our power to stop this from happening ever again." I'll bet that education reforms or balancing the state budget was put on hold that year, while they got the booger bill passed.

Here are some more great dumb laws. In Alaska it is illegal to view moose from a plane and it is illegal to push a moose out of a moving plane. It kind of makes me want to push a moose out of a non-moving plane. In Tucson, Arizona, women are not allowed to wear pants. This law was still enforced in the 1920s. A colleague's grandmother was escorted to the California border and told not to come back until she could dress like a lady.

Now, for quite possibly the weirdest law in the southeast. In Florida, flatulence in public is not allowed after 6 p.m. on Thursday. Does this mean that it is allowed Monday through 5 p.m. on Thursday? Why then? Again, try to imagine the legislator lobbying his colleagues to pass this law. This would be an example of a release of a different kind of hot air.

Now, to be fair, my home state, Massachusetts, is home to some of the strangest laws in the country. For instance, it is illegal to eat more than three sandwiches at a wake, play fiddle in Boston, be a man and not carry a rifle to church on Sunday and kiss in front of a church. Remember that if you're planning to get married in Massachusetts, there are SWAT teams up there.

The best is a city ordinance from North Andover, which is a lot like Peachtree City. The use of space guns in North Andover is prohibited. Does this mean real space guns or toy space guns? Is this a pre-emptive strike against the possibility that people are working on Star Trek phaser technology?

There are more dumb laws on the dumb laws Web site, www.dumblaws.com. I suggest checking it out if you're planning on traveling, you never know when a SWAT team will bust in on you and haul you off to jail.

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