Wednesday, June 26, 2002
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Wednesday, June 26, 2002 |
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Some suggestions for husbands and wives By JOHN HATCHER When most of you read my column, I will be flying somewhere over Africa to land in Entebbe, Uganda where I will be conducting marriage conferences from a Biblical view point. I am pleased that through this particular mode of ministry, we will bring together members of the two largest churches in Kampala: the All Saints Angelical Church and the Kampala Pentecostal Church. I have discovered that African marriage issues are similar to our own. African men do not understand the need of their women for romance. They do not understand that their women need to talk to them. They do not understand that their wives need for them to be emotionally intimate with them. Here in the United States, I have talked to countless couples and I hear the same: my husband does not spend any time with me. My husband does not care about my satisfaction in the bed. My husband doesn't try to be sensitive to me. African women seem not to understand that a man needs physical sex and that it often has little to do with romance. African women don't understand that their husbands respond well to respect rather than ridicule or indifference. Here in the United States, in talking to married couples, I discover that most women do not realize the profound and unrelenting sex drives that most men have. Wives are amazed when they learn that most men would like sex two or three times a day. One counselor tried to communicate this need to a group of woman by comparing the hunger for sex to the hunger for a good steak especially if one has not had such in a long time. Also, American wives, in many instances, have not caught on to their husbands' need for simple respect. They just don't have a clue what this easy thing would do for their relationship with their husbands. So, off to East Africa to talk about marriage. And from past experience, they will listen. In fact, they listen to me as if I were an angel from the Lord (don't worry, I am not an angel. Angels don't do it). But that is the key to knowledge and wisdom. Listening and then doing something about it. Couples have come into my study with their next step a divorce attorney. I share some thoughts and some resurrection hope and tell them that if they will give God and me a chance, in three months their marriage will be on the mend. The ones who listen and do what I suggest and begin to treat each other in new and Biblical ways, they do have a new beginning. The ones who refuse to listen and only want to play old negative mental tapes, they don't make it. If you are reading this column and your marriage is a little rocky, let me give you some free advice (you didn't even have to pay for the newspaper). Women, start respecting your husband and start demonstrating your respect. Simply start telling your man how much you appreciate him for what he has done and does. Did he do a good job cutting the grass? Tell him. In fact, tell the neighbors when they pop over, "Our grass looks so good, John does such a good job." Now, that didn't hurt, did it? Husbands, start talking to your wife. And let her do most of the talking. Listen and listen deeply. Don't try to "fix" her troubles she shares. She does not want you to "fix" her problems. She wants you to listen. Remember that she has a mind too. When you married her, you thought she was one of the smartest girls in the county. Her I.Q. has not gone down. Just your appreciation of her intellect. Okay, guys, got to go. Love you all and thanks for reading my column whether you agree or not!
The Rev. Dr. John Hatcher is pastor of River's Edge Community
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