Wednesday, February 6, 2002
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Wednesday, February 6, 2002 |
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Recognizing things that are taken for granted By MICHAEL
BOYLAN There are a number of awards shows in this day and age. The Grammys reward excellence in music, the Emmys reward good work in TV, and the Oscars go to the best films of the year. There are also awards for models, intriguing people, best and worst dressed celebrities, barbershop quartets, commercials, athletes, theater and just about anything else you can think of. That's where my idea kicks in. An award show for everything that gets overlooked and deserves recognition. I call them The Mikeys. Though, seriously, if you ever meet me, don't call me Mikey and don't say "Mikey likes it." I don't. The Mikeys, which wll be presented next weekend, are a way to give a thumbs up, a pat on the shoulder and a group hug all at the same time. Whether we are celebrating things that have been taken for granted for far too long or honoring something that just slips through the cracks of all the other award shows, The Mikeys is for everybody. For example, one category is Best Number to Dial in an Emergency and the winner is obviously, 9-1-1. William Shatner will receive the honor and present it to the dedicated men and women who staff this most helpful number. Other categories are Best Food Product to Come From a Pig and the winner is bacon, Best Food Product to Come From a Cow is a tie between hamburgers and milk and Best Food Product to Not Come From an Animal is Chips Ahoy cookies. Did I forget to mention that Nabisco is one of the Mikey's major sponsors? We will also present awards to wood, for being Most Useful Substance; elephants for Most Interesting Animals; red for Nicest Color; denim for Most Popular Fabric and pianos for Most Important Instrument. Now, it won't just be people in front of telelprompters presenting awards to inanimate objects all night long. Far from it. There will be more entertainment than you can shake a stick at. Recording artists Brandy and Pink will do a musical salute to board games, a fourth grade class from Detroit, Mich., will count to a million in three languages, Nathan Lane and Carol Channing will sing a song about napkins and Steve the Crocodile Hunter will wrestle 40 crocodiles while a man bites off 165 bottlecaps in three minutes. There will also be a lifetime achievement award presented to God and we hope that he or his Son will be present to accept the award. The organizers sat around and discussed who should win the Mikey's first Lifetime Achievement Award and couldn't think of a more qualified candidate. Not only did he kick-start the universe into motion and lord over humanity since the dawn of time, but he still is as much of an influence today as he was in the beginning. The question is who will present the award to God. We are trying to get the Pope, but we hear he will be at the premiere of Britney Spears' new film "Crossroads." Here's hoping that The Mikeys will be a success, growing in popularity and stature through the years, though that formula didn't necesarily work for their namesake. The Mikeys will be presented in the King Ronald Room at Medieval McDonald's in Bedford, Ariz. Call Ticketmaster for your tickets now.
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