By DAVID EPPS
Pastor

Once in a while, I'll do something so stupid that I even surprise myself.

Last week, for example, I was in Ambridge, Penn., taking a doctoral course at Trinity Episcopal School for Ministry. I had intended to rent a car when I arrived on Sunday evening but, since it's winter in Pennsylvania, it was bitterly cold and snowing.

My host, with whom I would spend the week, offered to pick me up at the Pittsburgh airport and transport me the 20-30 miles to Ambridge. Being an intelligent guy, I agreed that a Southerner would better off not driving in the snow in Pittsburgh. However, by Friday, the snow was gone and the temperature had risen into the 40s and 50s.

It had not been a piece of cake, this week just past. Dr. Karen Maticich, who has her Ph.D. from Cambridge, which is across the Big Water where they still speak true English, had been our professor for Biblical Interpretation.

Do you know how intimidating it is when a Bible professor reads to you a passage from the Old Testament? In Hebrew? She can also read quite fluently from the New Testament. In Greek.

I'm still trying to learn how to understand Yankees. And Californians.

Anyway, I learned so much that week it made my head hurt. Did you know, for example, that there are at least eight different kinds of Psalms? There are laments, praises, Psalms of Ascent (which were sung during the feasts of Passover, Pentecost, and Tabernacles), Songs of Zion, Enthronement Songs, Royal Songs, Wisdom Songs, and Hallel Songs (Psalms 113-118). And there are two kinds of laments, the individual and the communal, and, if that werenít enough, two kinds of praise songs, declarative and descriptive. And, did you know that Psalm 30 is a "mizmor," or a song intended for musical instruments? We learned all that in a couple of hours one afternoon and then moved on to other things.

So, by Friday, with class over and the snow gone, I was feeling pretty good and incredibly learned. With the prospect of a nice weekend on the horizon, it was time to rent that car. I made arrangements by phone with the Dollar Car Rental place in the Pittsburgh airport to secure a vehicle for a week.

Dr. "Laurie" Thompson, the Dean of the Doctor of Ministry program, was kind enough to give me a lift to the airport so I could pay for and pick up the car. We had a wonderful chat and, after arriving at our destination, he let me out and I went inside to the Dollar car place.

All went well as I gave the guy behind the counter my Georgia driver's license and my American Express card, which I never leave home without. After a few furrowed brows and a clicking furiously at the keyboard, the car guy looked up, handed my AMEX card and license back and said, "I can't rent you a car."

"What?" I asked.

"I can't rent you a car," he repeated.

"Why the heck not?"

"Because your driver's license expires next Tuesday and you've asked for a car through Friday. I can't rent you the car because your driver's license will be invalid. Happy Birthday next Tuesday."

I snatched the license up and, sure as shootin', I had a birthday next Tuesday. Duh. "Can you rent me a car through Monday evening?" I asked.

"Nope. You're already in the system as an expired license now. The computer won't let me remove you."

So here I am, in the Pittsburgh airport, my ride having already left, with no cheap way to get back to Ambridge and it's getting dark. And my license is about to expire. I called my oldest son, who is a police officer in Georgia and who has great wisdom in these matters, and said, "What do I do?" He said, "Don't drive after Tuesday and renew your license when you get back to Georgia." Great.

After wandering aimlessly for a while, trying to decide whether to pay a taxi a billion dollars to take me to Ambridge, I hatched a plan. Confidently, I strode up to the Budget Car Rental place and announced, "I want to rent a car through Monday."

The Budget car guy took my license and my credit card and handed me the paper to sign and told me where to go get my car. "By the way, sir," he called, "do you realize that you have a birthday Tuesday and your license will expire?"

"Of course I do, but thank you anyway," I smugly replied.

So, as of this moment, I have a car to return Monday night to the Pittsburgh airport, just a few hours before my license expires. I still have no idea how I'm going to get back to Ambridge for the rest of the week and finish another doctoral course. But I'm sure I'll figure out something. I'm a smart guy, after all. Heck, I even know what a "mizmor" is.

Father David Epps is the Rector of Christ the King Charismatic Episcopal Church in the south metro Atlanta area. He may be contacted at FatherDavidEpps@aol.com or at www.ChristTheKingCEC.com.

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