Wednesday, November 7, 2001
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Wednesday, November 7, 2001 |
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No need to pass emotional pain to next generation By REV JOHN HATCHER Almost daily I am reminded of the deep, troubling, life-shaping pain that many people carry, often times hidden in the buried rooms of their hearts. We're talking serious pain like... ...the pain of never hearing your father say, "I love you." ...the pain of molestation by a trusted parent. ...the pain of memories of your mother in nightly drunken stupors. ...the pain of knowing your father beat you with a hoe-handle when you were a ten-year old boy. ...the pain of receiving it as good news upon hearing of the death of a parent. ...the pain of hearing a parent say, "You will never amount to anything in your life." ...the pain of an absentee, yet alive, parent. ...the pain of emotional and physical hurt at the words and hands of a spouse. ...the pain of finding your child dead after suicide. As I hear and see the pain that so many carry around as hated baggage, I stagger at the sheer force of their human will to keep going. They attend birthday parties of others knowing full well their own birth was cursed by parents. They carry on light conversation in the office and even at church when all the time just below surface there is this huge untreated, unhealed sore. In studying grief-related issues, I once discovered the fact that most people die with unresolved grief issues. Meaning that most people carry within themselves for all their lives the pain and suffering associated with the death of a significant other person. For various issues, the pain of grief was never addressed and therefore never allowed opportunity to heal. Is it possible for healing, in these kinds of circumstances, to take place? We know one can live after a heart attack. We know one can survive cancer even brain cancer. We know that pneumonia no longer is the kiss of death, even for seniors. Modern medicine, I believe a gift from God, has proved it can heal most any malady. But what about the traumatic wounds of the human heart that has no medical pathology? Pride often times gets in the way of healing. Many men, for example, just can't allow themselves the therapy to admit to another human being that their daddies never hugged them much less told them, "I love you." Consequently, they go through life emotionally crippled and perpetuating the sins and inadequacies of their own fathers now on their children, passing one generation's failures onto another and then another ad nauseam. But there is hope for every single person who carries within their bosom emotional garbage. There's hope. Not found in a pill or bottle. Not found on a couch or in a position. Hope is found in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. That's why it's called "good news." Gospel means good news. One day a very close friend of Jesus Christ died. Jesus grieved deeply over the loss. After visiting the cemetery where they buried his friend, Jesus directed the stone to be removed from the tomb. They told Jesus it would stink upon being removed for the body had been four days dead. Still, they removed the stone and Jesus cried out, "Lazarus (the name of his friend) come forth." At that moment Lazarus walked out of the tomb with his mummy clothes on. Jesus ordered Lazarus to be unbound and let go. Okay, here's application. There are some stinking areas of our lives which need to be opened to the marvelous, healing grace of God. We need to roll away the stone which keeps our pain and hurt buried. We need to admit to some caring person perhaps your minister that you need some help unbinding the "death" clothes which for too long have kept you bound. I believe with all my heart that if you will roll away the stone and seek out someone who cares enough, they will assist you in walking into the brilliant light of God's grace, forgiveness, and healing love. You don't have to bequeath your pain to the next generation.
The Rev. Dr. John Hatcher is pastor of River's Edge Community Church in Fayetteville. |
