Wednesday, July 11, 2001
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Wednesday, July 11, 2001 |
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Lack of discipline is child abuse too By REV JOHN HATCHER "That child needs a spanking." Ever said that? I have on numerous occasions. At supermarkets and department stores. You've seen the same kid. He throws a fit, throws himself on the floor with parent looking on with embarrassment. The store's other patrons feign disinterest, but all the time thinking, "That kid needs a spanking." Fully realizing the subject of child discipline has been in the Atlanta papers and realizing it's a sensitive topic, I feel a need to address it. This controversy invites me to weigh into the fray. When I see a child throw a fit with attendant screaming and crying and flaying of hands, I think to myself, "child abuse." That's right, "child abuse." The kid, to tell the truth, is in absolute misery. He has failed to get his way and since he has not been given appropriate training, he acts out a natural response: yelling, screaming, crying (by the way I know some adults who still behave in similar fashion when they do not get their way). I call it "child abuse" because the parent through neglect or ignorance has allowed his child to grow thinking he should get his way regardless. So the kid sits on the department store floor in absolute agony. His world has caved in around him. What he has been led to believe has not come to reality. He's not getting his way and he's in pain. What the squalling child does not know and has not been taught is this: it's okay not to get your way all the time. Parents for centuries have taught their children, "I'm in charge and if you challenge me, I will discipline you." Let's look at what the greatest book on child rearing has to say on the subject. "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but the child who gets his way brings shame to his mother" (Proverbs 29:15). "Do not hold back discipline from the child, although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. You shall strike him with the rod and rescue his soul from Sheol" (Proverbs 23:13,14). "Foolishness is bound up with the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him" (Proverbs 22:15). Get the drift? If only Little Johnny when he threw his first fit for not getting his own way had been brought to reality with a couple of swats on the gluteus maximus, he would have grown in wisdom, benefiting him for the rest of his life and blessing his dear parents for the rest of theirs. In regard to the discipline of children and even the discipline of believers, the Bible doesn't approach the subject punitively, but redemptively. God disciplines us because he loves us. In like fashion, we should discipline our children because we love them. And it's very true: "All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful. Yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness" (Hebrews 12:11). Of course, the nature and force of discipline always has to be measured by the temperament of the child. Of course, discipline that inflicts bodily injury crosses the line into punishment. And, of course, all discipline should be meted out without anger. For that reason, some parents should postpone discipline in order to get a hold of their own emotions. Discipline can take the form of firm words or firm licks. It all depends upon the parent and the child. Sometimes in order for my mother to get our attention, she would resort to a peach tree limb. My father, on the other hand, never had to go any further than a few selective words delivered with a special voice. In fact, my father never laid a hand on any of his children (six girls and one boy). But, boy, his words had a wallop about them. Our land suffers from people who believe they have to get their own way. Discipline insures the transference of critical values and principles from one generation to another. Please, get your child's attention!
The Rev. Dr. John Hatcher is pastor of River's Edge Community Church in Fayetteville. |
