Wednesday, June 13, 2001
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Wednesday, June 13, 2001 |
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A legend fills in during a time of need By MICHAEL BOYLAN Michael Boylan was unable to write his column this week, so a special celebrity guest columnist, who must remain unnamed due to contractual obligations, has graciously stepped in. Timothy McVeigh is dead. My grandmother had a saying, "Good riddance to bad rubbish." It applies very well in this situation, though she usually directed it towards my grandfather. On execution, I believe in an eye for an eye. If you commit the crime, you should accept the penalty. McVeigh accepted the penalty until he thought there was a loophole in all those previously unreleased documents. Sorry, Tim. No loophole when you confess to killing all those innocent people. Art Linkletter was right. Kids do say the darndest things. Speaking of nonsequiters, The Smothers Brothers have aged like fine wine. I'm sticking to my guns, Lakers in 5. If you don't have DSL yet, you are like the Flintstones in a Jetsons age. If only people could travel on real highways at such a high speed and with as much control. It is a joy not to have to wait to read Peter Gammons or Hunter S. Thompson on Espn.com. I wonder, though, can Americans stand to get more impatient? I almost came to blows with a rude young man behind me at the ice cream store. I always have hard time deciding between so many fabulous flavors. The cookie dough ice cream wasn't going anywhere. The ice cream vendors do have freezers to keep the ice cream cold. As for Hunter S. Thompson, what a kook. they should hire him to speak at high schools about the dangers of drug abuse. I suppose it wouldn't work too well. He probably wouldn't make it through the metal detectors. For my money, Neil Diamond is a genius. I heard "America" over the weekend and wept. You want to see a great movie? So do I. Shrek seemed to be missing something and Eddie Murphy's bathroom shtick is wearing really thin. I heard about that terrible accident near Georgia 400 and 285 over the weekend. Folks, let's be careful out there. If you can steer it, clear it. The car is one place I would not want to die. Whoever came up with the idea of all you can eat buffets is both a genius and a monster. My suspenders could tell you that. Jenna Bush, listen up young lady. Thousands of college students drink underage and never get caught. It's harder for you due to your high-profile father, but just go to house parties and stay away from digital cameras. Does anybody miss "Survivor" as much as I do? I mean the rock group, not the television series. I listen to "Eye of the Tiger" on my stairmaster and can't help but get pumped up. By the way, "Rocky III" was one of the best three movies in cinematic history. Mr. T played Clubber Lang and throughout the movie I just couldn't see Rocky beating him. It just goes to show what a little fire in the belly can do for you. I got a chance to see a portion of the Azalea Estates beauty pageant a while back. The contestants were beutiful in both body and spirit. John Travolta needs to leave the movies for awhile. He's 0 for 3 with Swordfish stinking up the cinemas. We'll welcome him back with open arms in a few years. Maybe when Quentin Tarantino gets off his duff and makes a new film. Congratulations to Mike Boylan. I'll try to pop in on his wedding in July, but I have to judge a jam contest in Orono, Me., that weekend. If you've never tried blackberry and pear jam, you are truly missing out. Mr. Boylan's column will return next week.
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