Wednesday, February 7, 2001
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Wednesday, February 7, 2001 |
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People are from Earth By
MICHAEL BOYLAN I do not subscribe to the "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" school of thought, partially because Martian men are short and violent (see Marvin the Martian) and Venutian women are known to be very hot (we're talking in excess of 600 degrees Fahrenheit). Men and women are really not that different and the few differences that do exist certainly do not warrant a book, television program, weekly column and/or musical. But since John Gray is now the Bill Gates of self-help, I have begun work on my own self-help franchise. It's called "People Are From Earth." There's enough going on this planet for everyone to cash in. How else would you explain Nelly (the rapper during the Super Bowl Halftime Show look for him on next year's "VH-1 Where Are They Now" special.)? "People Are From Earth" will bridge the gaps between gender, race, religion and age. It will let everyone on the planet know that despite what is going on in their current surroundings, they are just like everyone else. There will be chapters on childhood, the teen years, life at home, life in the work place, love and death. Death is the biggest chapter. It is what unites us all and is also one heck of a motivational tool. Here is a portion of the book's affirmation. "Everybody ages, breathes, chews, drools in their sleep, eats, fidgets, gags on that thing doctors use for a strep throat test, hiccups, imagines, jokes around, kisses, laughs, meets new people, names their pets, opens doors and windows, plays with animals or people, quits a job, remembers something really embarrassing, sleeps, talks, undresses, vibrates when sitting on a vibrating chair, wipes that look off of their face, xylophones and zaps people with static electricity. Everybody does some or all of these things because they are people and people are from earth." Don't you feel better already? I find that books like "Men Are From Mars ... " are very divisive and make big issues out of little things like controlling the remote control and leaving the toilet seat up. We, as people, should understand that everyone has the potential to be annoying because we are easily annoyed. I also dislike the idea that men are one way and women are the other. I have yet to meet people that can be classified simply by their gender. I know men who hate sports and I know women who love NASCAR. It also suggests that because people are one way, they will never truly change. People do change. Deion Sanders went from rebel to soldier of God, while many have gone the other way. Another problem with self-help books is that they rely too heavily on individuals to help themselves. If it were really that easy, wouldn't we all help ourselves? It is very easy to not have to depend on anybody or trust anybody, but in actuality we need others to help us. Can you dig yourself out of a hole? Of course not. Instead of being a self-help book, "People Are From Earth" will strongly encourage everybody to try to help everyone else out. If we can share the benefits of our experiences and have the welfare of all people in our hearts, Earth could be an excellent place to live. So, the next time someone tries to sell you on the idea that men are from one place and women are from another and the twain shall always meet but the results will be filled with friction, tell them that you are a person from Earth. No more and no less. |
