Wednesday, December 27, 2000
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Wednesday, December 27, 2000 |
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Christmas at Disney World By BILLY MURPHY I write this column from Disney World. And it's one of the only things I have done in the last 6 days that hasn't cost money. I am not complaining; it has been great. One thing I have to say, though I have never seen so many elderly people wearing red sweatshirts with painted-on reindeer and holly bushes in all my life. Sometimes the crimson tide of holiday wear looks like a sea of blue-haired redcoats marching on Charleston, circa 1775. I have had my fun here with the Floridians too. Each time they charged me for something I would yell to the top of my lungs "I demand a recount." I have continually greeted each local I meet with, "How's the hanging chad?" Disney is a wonderful experience for the kids, but you have to face it, the whole concept is straight from beelzebub. I have noted this before and I still stand by my guns, Walt Disney was not just a great cartoonist and visionary. He was a great cartoonist, a visionary and Jerry Garcia's longlost father. The whole concept of Disney is riddled with rebellion, anarchy and subliminal drug references. I mean, the Magic Kingdom centers around Cinderella. How subtle is that? "Sin" -derella. Get it? Peter Pan; a young boy in tights? Snow White; an obvious pseudynom for cocaine. And if you don't believe that, just look at the names of the seven dwarfs, every one a sympton of drug use: Sneezy, Grumpy, Goofy, Dopey, et. al. And of course, how about that ride called "It's a Small World." If you have ever been on this thing, you would quickly recognize it is nothing more than an acid trip gone bad. Anyway, enough of the tomfoolery. This place is fun!! Disney though, is about marketing and they're so good at it. They make McDonald's sales model look as noble as an Amish Sunday Dinner. I don't have any qualms about spending the money for my kids' fun and pleasure but it is obvious that none of this stuff has an discernable value beyond the hour's appetite. My goal is to get home and get my money's worth out of all these souvenirs AFTER the trip. So... I am thinking my son's Captain Hook hook will work, sewn into the back of my bathing trunks for that easy "hang & dry" effect, and a nice converstation piece too. My daughter's Tinkerbell Fairy Princess Wand is gonna work just nifty as a pot passer when we are eating around the big dining room table during special occasions. All the commemorative cups we collected can be used in a variety of ways. They are just the right size to keep your life savings should you have been a recent investor in the Nasdaq. I plan to tie really long strings between each pair I have collected and start my own telephone company, solely for the right to call people during dinner time and ask them to change their long distance carrier. Well, there are a zillion other things to note about the trip to Disney but I am out of space. And besides, room service is knocking on my door with an order I placed for some "Lion King" ribs and the "Little Mermaid" seafood platter.
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