Wednesday, December 13, 2000
|
Wednesday, December 13, 2000 |
|
The story of Turnwhistle, Part II By
MICHAEL BOYLAN When we last left Jason Turnwhistle, he was the victim of routine. His day began with a shower, a shave and a cleansing of his teeth. He would dress, eat breakfast, go to work, work, eat lunch, work some more, go home, eat dinner, watch television, kiss his wife and sleep. Only to start the process over again the next day. And the day after that. And the day after that. "You should do something you always wanted to do," said his friend, Albert, offering advice during a lunch at Beefy McFadden's Burgertorium. "I always wanted to be a mountain climber, so I started climbing mountains." This was good advice, thought Turnwhistle, but what did he want to do or be? He turned Albert's advice around in his head for several days. He thought about it during every step of his routine practically nonstop, until the answer, or the answer that would lead to his answer, popped into his head. "I have always wanted to be a superhero," Turnwhistle thought to himself. "How can one get bored when one is flying around the city, fighting crime and righting wrongs." But then Turnwhistle sagged into himself, almost as suddenly as the answer jumped out at him. "But I cannot fly. All superheroes have special powers, with the exception of Batman, and I have none." Turnwhistle completed his commute home that evening and went directly to bed, skipping dinner, several sitcoms and a kiss from his wife. Later that evening, Turnwhistle sat up in bed. The red numbers on the digital clock read 2 a.m. and Turnwhistle noiselessly plodded downstairs to the kitchen. He had an idea. He may not be able to become a superhero, but he could very easily become a supervillain. Lex Luthor had no superpowers, nor did the Riddler, the Penguin or the Joker. All they had was a creative name, a costume and the desire to be more than they were. The first decision he would have to make would be his supervillain name. Turnwhistle grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and began to brainstorm ideas. There are no right or wrong responses in a brainstorm, he thought to himself. You can eliminate some of them later. The Cowboy, The Doctor, The American Dream, The Japanese Beetle, The French Horn, The English Leather, The Irish Coffee, The Chinese New Year. After a process that lasted approximately four hours, Turnwhistle had it narrowed down to two possibilities: Utensilon and Maestro. Turnwhistle was woken up by his wife 45 minutes later. He had apparently fallen asleep after deciding on becoming the Maestro. He was too excited to work that day, what with all the planning that would obviously have to go into his first diabolical act. He feigned illness, called out sick to work and retired to the bedroom until his wife had left for work. What first, thought Turnwhistle? What would be the first act of the Maestro? What will set this town on its ear? Turnwhistle dressed in his weekend clothes and decided to stroll around the center of town. He passed the bank but thought a bank heist was too risky and too pedestrian. As he walked by City Hall, he sat on the steps and thought about what kind of statement the Maestro wanted to send the town. Did he want the people to fear him? Did he want riches and power? Was he searching for respect or did he just want to do something bold? In the end, Turnwhistle decided that he did not want to endanger anyone's life, and he didn't want to hurt his family in any way. What he really wanted to do was to make his mark. He wanted to shake up his boring life and everybody else's boring life in the sleepy little burg. To do that, he would have to paint the town red. To be continued. |
