By DAVID EPPS
Pastor

After watching the news in copious amounts over the last few weeks (I really MUST get a life!), I have made the following observations:

You must be a Gore-Lieberman Democrat if:

You believe that Jessie Jackson's coming to South Florida to stir up folks was a good way to involve the common people in the political process but believe that Republicans who gather and vocally exercise their First Amendment rights are "thugs" constituting a "mob" who "intimidate" the good precinct workers of South Florida.

You believe that the voters of South Florida are either too old or too stupid to actually read the ballots and make an informed decision without assistance, since each voter, after voting, was to carefully examine his ballot before turning it in to be counted.

You believe that the average South Florida resident needed paid operatives from an advertising firm to call him or her and say, "Is there some possibility that you voted for the wrong person, even though you didn't even think about that possibility, and were perfectly happy with your ballot, until you received this phone call from me?"

You believe that, without the assistance of the Psychic Hotline, people can look at a piece of paper and determine what was going on in the minds of the individuals who held that ballot in their hand weeks ago.

You believe that people who did not vote for a presidential candidate really meant to vote for your candidate.

You believe that, if people voted twice for a presidential candidate, they really meant to only vote for your candidate.

You believe that the votes cast by people in a few selected South Florida counties should be counted several times but believe that the votes of the military personnel overseas serving their country should not even be counted at all.

You believe that it is fair and just for three Democrats, in a county dominated by Democrats, to make the final decision about disputed ballots when the goal of Democrats is to elect a Democratic candidate.

You believe that it is okay for Democrats to appeal to the courts but think it is unfair and mean for the Republicans to seek relief from those same courts.

You believe that it is the responsibility of the courts to tell legislators what they really meant to say when those poor, dull-witted legislators wrote the laws.

You believe that the election is not over until you get the count you want.

You believe that voters in South Florida are so physically weak that they need a Black and Decker power drill or a jackhammer to punch their ballot.

You believe that an unborn child is not a real person but you believe that a "pregnant chad" should count as two votes.

You think that continuing the Clinton legacy for another four or eight years is really a good thing.

You believe that Al Gore really did invent the Internet, really was the model for "Love Story," and you really aren't bothered that he really does believe that President Clinton is the greatest president in history.

You believe that receiving a DUI over 20 years ago is more significant than presently being an integral part of one of the most embarrassing administrations in the history of the republic.

You will consider naming your next born son, "Chad."

You believe that anyone who disagrees with your opinion is mean-spirited, a fascist, and should not have the same right to express their opinion that you do.

If this article just irritates the hound out of you and compels you to howl and protest, you must be a Gore-Lieberman Democrat.

[David Epps is rector of Christ the King Church in Peachtree City. He may be contacted at FatherDavidEpps@aol.com or www.ChristTheKingCEC.com.]

Back to Opinion Home Page | Back to the top of the page