Wednesday, November 29, 2000

By BILLY MURPHY
Laugh Lines

While we all have some time, waiting patiently on the edge of our seats on the further legal actions regarding the presidential election, everyone in our country should rent and watch the claymation classic, "Rudolf, the Red-Nosed Reindeer," for in it, we can find direction to the quagmire our country has become.

(One political aside: Have you noticed how much Al Gore is starting to become like the armless and legless knight in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"? Every time he loses another limb he resists surrender all the more.)

Back to the story. Upon repeated viewings over the years I have observed that there are general guidelines that we can all learn from, yet also, this little ditty of a kids' movie is almost prophetic concerning our current political climate.

In the guise of a snowman, a milky, tubby authority leads us all in this saga. Lest you fail to see the similarities with Bill Clinton, note this: He plays the banjo, the official musical instrument of Arkansas, he has large bushy eyebrows and in the eeriest passage of all, "Sam," the stone-cold yarn spinner, wears formal attire, yet oddly enough never has on his pants.

The story centers around Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer who is rejected by his peers for being different, a physical deformity. He befriends a pointy-eared elf who is a misfit himself. Herbie the boy pixie is scoffed at by the other elves because of his nonconformist slant; he wants to become a dentist.

Our country could learn a lesson from the rites of passage of these misfits. I have to wonder how pitiful the story would have turned out if Herbie, when he is told he is worthless and denied his work break, retains a civil liberties lawyer and sues Santa and Christmastown into oblivion. Or, when Rudolf is denied access to the reindeer games, he feels justified to burn down the reindeer training school and bomb the pine forest.

As our story continues, the pointy-eared wavy-haired misfit, an obvious forerunner to George W. Bush, and Rudolf, who Santa calls smart and sturdy (Al Gore?) start running. They quickly meet Republican Yukon Cornelius. You can tell because he packs a gun in his belt and has an affection for gold. A true capitalist and member of the NRA, you don't get any more Republican than that. The only problem is, there is an ominous shadow cast over Yukon, relentlessly tracking him as the Abominable Snow Monster (The social security crisis?).

A central figure in the story, of course, is Santa. An Alabama elementary school student could figure out Santa represents the liberal Democrat ideal, giving away free gifts left and right without question or accountability. And the ruddy cheeks and red nose? This is the emblem of the donkey party Ted Kennedy.

The lesson we can learn from "Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer" is that our diversity is what makes us great. Yet, instead of persevering through "being different" as we see in the story, today every institution is expected to lower its standards to whatever weakness a person has.

Oops, sorry, we don't have weaknesses in people any more. Everyone is perfect from the get go, no one should be expected to change a thing about himself to fit in.

The story ends, as everyone knows, with Rudolf saving the day with his shiny nose and, even better, he helps Santa rescue the misfit toys to be delivered to boys and girls all over.

The story has a happy ending: Herbie becomes a dentist, no one gets sued and, best of all, the abominable snow monster, when clobbered and toothless, concedes the victory.

[Visit Billy Murphy on the Internet at http://ebilly.net.]

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