Wednesday, October 18, 2000
Wednesday, October 18, 2000 |
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A fantastic voiyage to the center of my mind By
MICHAEL BOYLAN Many people have asked me what it is like inside my head. To tell the truth, I don't really know. I have never been able to travel or to see inside my head, but the question did get me thinking. I then decided to miniaturize some scientists and explorers, inject them and a tiny raft inside my body and let them travel in my body to examine just what it is like in my noggin. The crew, made up of local science teacher Mr. Edward Panzerelli and two of his prize students, Molly Reynolds and James Hardingson, recently returned from their journey and here is what their journal said, after we enlarged it and them. Day 1: We should have had Mr. Boylan snort us instead of eat us. Instead of traveling up his nasal cavity, we traveled down to his stomach. I wonder how he can survive on his diet of soda, hamburgers and cookies. Currently we are passing his miles of intestines. Molly is a bit squeamish and keeps closing her eyes, while James keeps talking about how cool everything looks. Day 2: We are nearing Mr. Boylan's heart, and Molly has taken a turn for the worse. She is very upset that it does not look like a valentine heart. James is constantly teasing her by singing songs with the word heart in the title. Perhaps it was a bad idea to bring two 15-year-old students along for what is an amazing journey. I am fascinated by how the human body works as the only bodies I have examined have been dead ones. My only wish is that Mr. Boylan would stop drinking so much soda. His burps have thrown us off course several times. Day 4: I fear we are lost. The breathing pattern of Mr. Boylan has made the trek upwards like climbing a mountain in high winds. It is only during his sleeping state that we were able to navigate the raft, which is holding up surprisingly well. Molly and James have quieted down, but I fear the stress of this journey may have a lasting negative effect on them. Day 5: James is getting testy. We have been inside Mr. Boylan's body for five days and we have still not made it past the lungs. In fact, I think we have lost our sense of direction. We passed the heart earlier this morning but may have been traveling sideways. Molly is curled up in a fetal position, whispering, "I wish I were big. I wish I were big." I have dug out the compass and believe we are traveling north, which should be the proper direcion. As james has said several times, "North is up, right?" Day 6: This trip has turned from bad to worse. Mr. Boylan should have told us he had a pin in his knee, which tampered with the magnetic pull on the compass. We are now down somewhere near his shin. James has threatened to jump out of the raft several times, while Molly has crowned herself "Princess of the Pancreas." She is demanding we take her back to her homeland where she can rule her kingdom. Day 7: We are back on course but I won't tell you where we just came from. Unfortunately we are traveling on the wrong side of Mr. Boylan's body but it should be easier to follow his backbone up to the brain. Thankfully, Molly and James have settled down. I was glad I packed a bottle of Dimetapp. By putting it in their sandwiches have guaranteed myself some peace and quiet as I navigate. Day 9: We have reached the brain. Success. It is wonderful up here. The synapses are constantly firing and the light show can only be described as James described it, "wicked cool." Tomorrow we shall perform some experiments and then travel to Mr. Boylan's mouth, waiting to be expunged. Day 10: I am sure that my students and I will never eat eggs again, but we have had an excellent time playing in Mr. Boylan's brain. It is a very fast and it is quite large. Hopefully, our experiments did not do any permanent harm to Mr. Boylan. James accidentally tore a small hole in his medulla oblangata, which may result in uncontrollable rage. Molly accidentally spilled some Hi-C from a juice box and fears it may have landed on his frontal lobe. We'll know tomorrow as we will be launched into a child's pool full of water and enlarged. Kudos, Mr. Boylan. Science will thank you for all we have learned inside your body. Day 14: We are lost again and all radio contact with the outside world has failed. We are somewhere very white amd bright and our visuals have been knocked out. Hopefully, the right people will save us before we run out of food, oxygen and sanity. Editor's Note: The crew was enlarged several days later in Mike's shower. He accidentally expunged them into the shower several days earlier. |
