By DAVID EPPS
Pastor

October is nationally recognized as "Clergy Appreciation Month." You may not be aware of that because most ministers are responsible for the communication that gets to their congregation. And most ministers are extremely reluctant to publicly proclaim, "Hey, it's Clergy Appreciation Month! So appreciate me already!"

Yet, to be honest, it's hard for most people to really appreciate their minister because they don't have any idea what they really do. The average impression is that of the minister greeting people at church, preaching, and smiling at the door. Even my own grandchild said, "Pop, what do you do during the week when everybody else goes to work?"

I said, "I'm the pastor of the church sweetheart."

"Oh, I know that." She said with a gorgeous smile. "Everybody knows that but what do you do for a living?"

Sigh.

I won't attempt to bore you with the details of daily life as a pastor during this particular musing. But just let me say that it is not unusual to leave for the hospital at 5:30 a.m. and stagger back into the bedroom after a late night meeting at 11 p.m. And that doesn't even mean the end of the day since most disasters and emergencies occur after the midnight hour. Most ministers, even though they are smiling and shaking hands when you see them on Sunday and throughout the week, are mostly just dead tired much of the time. Whatever pain, agony and desperation people can experience, their pastors experience it with them day after day.

Did you know that 80 percent of clergy say that isolation is the number one problem they face? Most ministers are incredibly lonely, regardless of the size church they serve. Many have faced brutal criticism by board members, malicious gossip (and occasional outright lies) by members of the congregation, and betrayal by friends and staff members. Many have discovered that even their denominational leaders and fellow pastors are not necessarily to be trusted.

Years ago, when I was a minister in a different denomination, I had a problem with a minister several miles away. I went to a trusted friend, also a pastor, to receive counsel and obtain advice. One week later, I braced myself and went to talk to the pastor with whom I was having problems. It was then I discovered that the pastor who had counseled me had betrayed my trust. I doubt that I made it to the church parking lot before he was on the phone to the man with whom I had difficulty.

And 94 percent of clergy feel pressure to have the "ideal" family. Other kids can get by with things, but not the pastor's kids. In the past, my own wife has been subjected to nasty and catty remarks about every aspect of her character, attire, hairstyle, and conduct of life. My three sons were continually under the microscope.

If a pastor buys a new car, he will likely be criticized. If he purchases a new home, again the criticism will flow. ("Well, we must be paying you too much, Pastor!") A friend of mine in my hometown had two old cars, neither of which worked. Someone gave him an old (and I do mean old) Mercedes that could have used a paint job and had zillions of miles. But it ran well. Yet, when his people found out that the pastor was driving a Mercedes... well, it wasn't pretty.

A full 80 percent of ministers believe that ministry affects their family negatively. I am aware of a pastor of a church of 3,000 in another state who has received death threats, his wife has been stalked, and members of his family have been accosted and berated in public places. Oh, by the way, nearly all of these threats and problems came from active church members. At the moment, this young man is depressed, discouraged, and considering leaving the pastorate.

A shocking 70 percent of ministers, if they had it to do over, would not be in the ministry. Most entered the ministry with dreams, goals, and good motives and intentions. But, like Moses in the Exodus wanderings, who found that the people of God brought him more grief that did the pagan Egyptians, a number of ministers wonder what happened to their dreams of shepherding a loving flock and helping to grow a dynamic church.

Nearly all have invested their lives in people, in some cases helping to restore marriages and relationships, help people gain a new relationship with God, or helping the people to grow spiritually, only to have those same people blithely leave the church without so much as a "thank you" or even a word of explanation as to why they have left.

The average pastor works 54 hours a week, rarely takes a full day off, and gets but six hours of sleep each night. Many do not own their own home, are terribly underpaid, have practically no job security, a pitiful retirement plan, if any, and struggle to pay their bills. They help raise money for the poor children at Christmas time while, at the same time; their own kids have a sparse celebration.

They hope their children earn good grades and qualify for a scholarship because the reality is that they may not be able to afford college tuition. The average pastor serves a church of 70 to 100 people on Sunday morning because that is the size of the average church in America. And 99 percent of pastors will never pastor a mega-church, be asked to speak at denominational gatherings, or have their face on the cover of a religious magazine. But they do what they do because they love God and they love you.

Like a father who loves with an aching and breaking heart his stubborn and contentious teen, so your pastor loves you. They will give up the money, the honor, the new cars, and new homes. They will set aside the hope of a vacation home, or a cruise, or dreams of a large nest egg. Your pastor does all that for you. It's his life, his calling.

So, why not send him a card this week? Or tell him Sunday that you appreciate what he (or she) does in your church week after week. Maybe your church could do something special and make an event of it.

But the best gift you could give him would be to become a faithful, dependable, giving member who steadfastly refuses to complain, whine, or gossip. After all, God brought him (or her) to your parish. Perhaps he ought to be treated like a gift from God. Even if it's not October.

[David Epps is Rector of Christ the King Church He may be contacted at FatherDavidEpps@aol.com or at www.ChristTheKingCEC.com.]

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