By PAT NEWMAN
pnewman@thecitizennews.com

A woman’s purse is her lifeline. Lose it and you may as well be dead. A recent unscientific survey among friends and coworkers has determined that a woman without her purse is like a ship adrift without an anchor. That purse gives us direction, purpose, and power. Without cash, credit cards, a driver’s license and the “can’t leave without it” assortment of makeup, keys, and kid gear, a woman can’t survive.

The current issue of MORE magazine has a six-page spread of glamorous looking women and their designer handbags. The contents of these pricy purses were totally remarkable. Palm pilots, ELPH cameras, mini-Evian water bottles, Tiffany keychains and books of poetry... you get the picture... Not a wadded up tissue in the bunch.

I decided to dive into my Le Sac look-alike from Big K and see if I had anything as interesting as these gorgeous gadabouts.

I discovered that my purse was half-trash and half treasure. The trash part included a ball of used tissues, some containing chewed up pieces of gum presented to me lovingly by my daughter, three-month old dry cleaning receipts, last month’s collection of Sunday church bulletins, an unusual looking bolt my son found in a parking lot, a melted lipstick, a few McDonald’s french fries, some apple seeds and a roll of scotch tape.

The treasure that had escaped from my wallet and settled in the bottom of my bag totalled $4.36. The only item of any real value was my date book/wallet which contained my driver’s license, host of maxed-out credit cards and a blank check.
When I peeked into by perfectionist mother’s purse I realized that some women really do have nice stuff in their pocketbooks. I found a real leather wallet, a pouch with rosary beads, keys, a working ball-point pen, tiny address book, mints and neatly folded stack of unused tissues.

Quick. Call Carolyn. Surely in all the years I’d known her, she couldn’t have switched from vintage Aigner to pricey Prada. “Hey, what kind of purse are you carrying and what’s in it?” Without skipping a beat, she replied, “My sister’s cast-off Vuitton. Inside there’s a ball of tissues, some old dry cleaning receipts, a couple of church bulletins, an acorn, McDonald’s french fries and a roll of masking tape.”

I wasn’t so different after all. But an ELPH camera would fit nicely in my purse’s side pocket.

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